Possums Like to Party

So we've been in our new home for a couple of months now and one of the most exciting discoveries so far is that we have possums.  I think this must be very English of us to be excited about possums because I'm pretty sure that the Australians see them as pests.  And if what my boss tells me is true, the Kiwis shoot them and collect a dollar per pelt.....

Anyway, I'm English and I think possums are cute.

They made their presence known quite early on but it took me a while to realise what they were.  Or rather that it was possums making all the noise on top of our conservatory. I thought it was branches clattering, Will the pigeon, maybe even a rogue land dwelling shark.  But it turned out to be possums.

The sun goes down and the possums come out to play.  They scuttle across the conservatory roof and then leap from tree to tree.  I'm not sure if I'll ever stop being fascinated by their antics.  And I think they secretly love the attention.  Shy, nocturnal creatures?  Hell no.  Possums are party animals.  Stalky fans may remember that Mystical Roo found one asleep in a bin after a heavy night of partying.  And a notorious little karaoke bar down the road from us is called the Pickled Possum.  Coincidence?  I think not.  Possums like to party.  And as it goes they like to party on our roof.

Little Stalky's Lemon

So it turns out my last post was way back in 2012.  And it's now 2014.  That's a pretty long time.  There was a whole lot of 2013 in between then and now.

But could anything that crazy really have happened in Little Stalky world since then?  Anything truly nutty?  Does Mystical Roo still have a beard?  Do carrots still taste like soap?  And will anyone ever stop the plight that is the land dwelling shark?

Mystical Roo does still have a beard and it's bigger and bushier then ever.  There are rumours that it now houses a field mouse but that might just be gossip.  The flavour of carrots have definitely improved but I'm ever vigilant.  And the land dwelling sharks? They continue to dwell on land (and occasionally in letter boxes).

It's been an eventful couple of years - Mystical Roo and I have moved twice, explored new continents, climbed trees, floated on BBQ boats, shot lasers and stomped grapes.  We've been wining, dining and generally enjoying everything that Sydney living has to offer.

I had to give up my compost heap, then I started a new compost heap and then I had to give up that compost heap too.  One lemon tree died but another thrived and if there's one piece of news that I need to share, it's that I have successfully harvested my first ever lemon.  I know I'm biased but I'm pretty sure this is the most perfectly perfect lemon in the entire world.

So there we have it. Little Stalky's lemon.  I figure when you've been off the blog scene for a while you need to come back with a bang.

Trolley Dude: Shunning Fame?

For the first time in oh such a long time I, Little Stalky, saw trolley dude.  I saw trolley dude!  He's alive everyone.  Alive!  And doing what he does best: pushing a huge line of trolleys.  But trolley dude appeared to be trying to go incognito.  He was wearing sunglasses and a hat.  It was like he was trying to hide his true identity and blend in with the crowd.  I've decided that trolley dude must have become aware of his fame as trolley dude and is trying to avoid the fans.  He's trying to keep a low profile lest crazy women try and strike up conversation.  I watched him pass with awe and immediately alerted Mystical Roo to the fact that I'd just spotted trolley dude.  I then suggested to Mystical Roo that trolley dude seemed to be trying to go unnoticed.  Mystical Roo decided that it was down to the shaved head.  He figured trolley dude was ashamed of his baldness and was trying to hide the evidence.  Shunning fame or hiding a hair disaster?  It's just another trolley dude mystery.  

Pins and Needles

How freaky is it when you get a dead arm?  Or a dead anything for that matter.  And how evil are the pins and needles that strike when the dead appendage comes back to life!  I scared the crap out of myself the other morning when I woke up with a completely dead arm.  I'd obviously been in a deep sleep because I'd actually been sleeping on top of my arm and was completely unaware of anything until I woke up and saw a hand that did not look like my own.  I had no feeling whatsoever, which is why it was like a stranger's arm laying in the bed.  And why would a random arm be laying in the bed?  When you wake up with blurry eyes and a groggy sleep head this can be very scary.  But I'm not sure what's scarier.  Somehow convincing yourself that there's a random arm in your bed or realising that the random arm is actually your own and is incapable of moving.  I actually had to use my other arm to pick  up the dead arm and move it.  It just flopped about like a lifeless limb of doom.  There was a split second when I thought that the arm was lost and it really freaked me out.  But then things started jumping back to life and the pins and needles kicked in.  God those pins and needles are torturous.  And why are they called pins and needles?  It's like a mixture of pain and tickling all at once.  And I was pleased that my hand and arm were coming back to life but I wasn't enjoying the process.  It's normally over fairly quickly but it makes you wonder why your body allowed you to get into the situation in the first place.  It should really know better.  Dead arms aside, I often seem to get a dead leg.  And it always hits at the most inopportune moments.  Like I'll be sat at work - obviously with my legs twisted in some weird way - I'll need to stand up to get something for a customer and BAM! dead leg.  And you have to keep moving.  You have to keep moving.  Even though you're pretty sure that your dead leg is going to crumple beneath you.  Even though the pins and needles are making you squirm with discomfort.  Even though you look like some sorted of demented pirate whilst hobbling along to the till.  What to do?  Confess to the dead leg?  Do the customers even care.  Fake an injury.  Hobble around as if you've done in your ankle or something.   I guess there's a potential sympathy vote there but you don't want it to generate a conversation.  Then you're into dangerous water making up stories about how a land dwelling shark tackled you, twisting your ankle, before disappearing into the shadows.  I guess it's probably easier to admit that you have pins and needles.  Everyone gets it don't they?  Lets just hope everything doesn't strike at once.  Dead legs and dead arms at the same time.  That would be really freaky. 

The Dangers of Overzealous Cuddling

Today I'm in a lot of pain due to the hurting of my neck.  Now I'm not really sure what I've done to my neck but I imagine it's something along the lines of a trapped nerve.  Everything was fine when I first got up this morning.  I padded into the kitchen to find Mystical Roo making a cup of tea and I did what I normally do - I leapt in for a cuddle.  Well I think it was my overzealous cuddling that caused the damage to my neck.  After having a cuddle I suddenly became aware of a twinge in my neck that then developed into full on pain.  Who knew that cuddling could be so dangerous!  The pain is in the left side of my neck and reaches down into my shoulder.  I can't move my head without pain and I can't pick things up with my left hand without pain.  It's a pain!  I'm walking around in that way where you have to keep your head really still and as a result I look a little bit peculiar.  Mystical Roo has since rubbed some Deep Heat into the offending area so now I look a bit peculiar and smell a bit peculiar.  The Deep Heat helped a little bit but I'm never sure if it's worth the smell.  Not even sure what that smell is but I associate it with soreness and injuries.  Bad smell association.  Apart from being in pain, which is not very pleasant, the bad neck is stopping me from doing the most basic of tasks.  It took me five minutes just to try and get a hair clip in.  I had to wash my face with one hand.  We went to do a quick shop in Woolworths and I had to watch what I picked up.  Worse than that, I couldn't be on Trolley Dude spotting duty because I couldn't move my head.  Oh the frustration!  So now I'm sat at home, wrapped in my Snuggie and trying to keep as still as possible.  I'm not sure if there is anything I can do to fix the neck and I'm not sure how long I'll be out of action for but with Mystical Roo bound for Adelaide, I hope things sort themselves out pretty sharpish.  In the meantime I'm going to become better acquainted with the Deep Heat and raid the fridge for chocolate.  

A Trolley Dude Sighting

In an important development in the whole Trolley Dude saga, I have received intel from Monster Noggin that Trolley Dude has officially been sighted.  Monster Noggin has sighted Trolley Dude.  Seen him in action. Confirmed that Trolley Dude is indeed alive and well.  But the shocker?  Well, according to Monster Noggin, Trolley Dude has gone and shaved his head!  I know.  Shocking.  One can only begin the ponder the possibilities of what this actually means.  Trolley Dude once had long and lustrous locks that were longer than my own.  He wore his dark black hair in a ponytail.  We marvelled at it.  Then, Trolley Dude shocked us all by cutting his hair into a more common and mundane style.  Was he trying to blend in?  We noticed his absence amongst the trolleys and wondered if his hair was behind his Trolley Dude like powers.  When Trolley Dude hadn't been spotted in weeks and other, less qualified, less hairy, less dude like dudes took over the trolley monitoring responsibilities at Woolworths, we wondered whether Trolley Dude had moved on to pastures new.  But it turns out that this is not the case.  He was just shaving his head.  And now he's back.  Sans hair but back in action.  But what is the story behind the shaved head?  What does it all mean?  Is the shaved head really the reason behind this lengthy absence?  Did he have a short stint in the army?  Or maybe in prison?  Did he have lice?  Did he have a hair dye malfunction?  Perhaps he's just being practical and going for a maintenance free look.  Or maybe he's just sick of the stigma associated with his hair.  Hell, Trolley Dude is probably making the point that his hair is not behind his power.  He's all powerful without any hair at all.  He's making the ultimate statement of Trolley Dude power.  Impressive.  It got my attention.  Though in truth I've yet to see Trolley Dude back in action.  All of this is based on the reports from Monster Noggin.  And as trustworthy as Monster Noggin is, if she wasn't wearing her glasses then we can't be sure of anything.  If Monster Noggin wasn't wearing her glasses then the Trolley Dude sighting may well have been an ugly naked mole rat.  Or a cactus.  Or a land dwelling shark.  Or just a random shopper pushing his or her trolley.  But I like to think that Monster Noggin was wearing her glasses.  Or was at least close enough that glasses were not necessary to ascertain the identity of Trolley Dude.  I may not have seen him whilst out shopping last night and I may not have seen him whilst getting milk the night before that but something tells me that Trolley Dude is making a comeback.  And he'll be bigger, badder and better than ever. 

Trolley Dude Update

I thought it was about time I gave you all a trolley dude update as I'm sure you've all been wondering and worrying about what has become of my favourite trolley pushing dude.  Well, I'm afraid I don't have good news.  Because trolley dude hasn't been spotted in a few weeks now.  And I don't know what this means.  I saw that random kid pushing trolley dude's trolleys.  Then, the other day, I saw a random old man pushing trolley dude's trolleys.  Mystical Roo suggested that trolley dude had suddenly aged overnight but I think he was just humouring me.  Trying to ease the pain.  Could it be that trolley dude is taking some kind of break?  Or perhaps trolley dude is ill?  I can't imagine that he was sacked.  He's the best damned Woolworths employee out there.  Perhaps he moved on to pastures new.  Perhaps he was offered an even better gig.  Where trolleys are a plenty.  Where their wheels don't squeak.  Where there is nothing to do all day but roam free amongst the trolleys.  I'll have to find an answer soon.  I can see I'll have to schedule additional trips to Woolworths just so I can keep an eye on the situation.  But perhaps that's the plan?  Perhaps Woolworths have hidden their prize employee just to cause a stir amongst the customers.  Maybe they know it will lure us back in our droves, just so that we can check on the mysterious trolley dude.  Well they think they're cunning but I'm one step ahead of them.  I'll schedule a trip to Woolworths alright.  But I won't buy anything.  Cue evil laugh.  Mwah ha ha ha haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa......

The Basil Saga Continues



I apologise for the poor quality of these
photos.  I have to use my Blackberry and
I really don't have the most steady hand

 Today I woke up and discovered that my basil plant has pretty much snuffed it.  I looked out onto my balcony and to my horror the basil plant's leaves had wilted, gone black or fallen off.  All I can say is what the hell?  What the heckity hell?  I literally posted a photograph yesterday that showed the basil in relatively good health.  My God, did I jinx it or something?  I think I must have done.  I've been bringing him indoors of a night when the temperatures get too chilly but things have been ok recently.  We had a lot of wind and rain last night but no more than the past few nights.  What could possibly have changed to have caused the basil plant to give in like this.  Will the Pigeon hasn't been about recently so I can hardly blame him and the land dwelling shark isn't known to venture out in stormy weather.  I just can't get my head around it.  And I'm devastated.  Ridiculously so actually.  I feel like I've failed my plant.  All the others have been ok.  The tomato plants looked like they might snuff it at one point but I brought them back from the brink.  And thinking of the tomato plants I think it's just dawned on me what the problem is.  It was the composting.  It was yesterday, when I took my dead plants and chopped them into tiny pieces.  I've traumatised my basil plant!  It obviously saw what happened to its plant friends and couldn't take the stress.  Oh what have I done!  Who knew that basil was such a nervous character.  Well I still haven't given in and accepted that the plant is actually dead.  This is because of the new shoots and leaves I can see at the bottom of the plant.  I've brought him inside again and think I may well just leave him inside to see what happens next.  He's obviously not coping well on the balcony.  I'll monitor the situation and let you know how he goes.  Wish me luck...

Little Stalky Ventures Out

Yesterday I decided to venture out into Melbourne...on my own.  Solo Stalky.  Sans Mystical Roo.  On my bill.  Mystical Roo was working for most of the day so I thought I should take a look around.  Suss things out.  Get my Stalky strut on and blend in with the city folk.  Just like in Sydney.  Though with less McDonalds action.  Firstly I had me some breakfast.  It always feels strange having breakfast on my own.  I feel like people are staring at me and wondering why I have no friends.  I'm sure this is not the case as many people dine alone but I don't think I look like the business type.  Therefore I must have no friends.  Bah!  I thought about bringing my book with me but I have issues eating and reading at the same time.  I miss my mouth.  That would be an embarrassing public display.  Instead I found myself a spot by the window where I could do a bit of people watching and made sure to have my phone nearby so if needed I could have something to focus on.  Yes, I know I over think the situation but that's what I do.  I had a very nice breakfast of eggs Benedict with asparagus and three cups of tea.  A good start to the day.  Then I ventured out into the big city, conscious of the fact that, without Mystical Roo, I would have to take responsibility for not getting lost.  Easier said than done as I have a notoriously bad sense of direction.  Initially I headed in the direction of a blue sign that I thought said tourist information.  It actually said something harbour.  Not actually something harbour because that wouldn't make sense.  I just forget which harbour.  Anyway, this is besides the point.  I realised I didn't want to go in this direction and had to do that random thing of stopping and turning around without looking like too much of numpty.  Make it look like you've forgotten something and no one will question you.  Stop, pause, make thoughtful face, then light bulb above the head face, spin around and get marching.  Purposeful.  Not stupid at all.  I was ridiculously careful to walk mostly in a straight line and tried to avoid side streets for fear of getting lost.  There are a lot of shops in Melbourne.  I came across the expensive street and was tempted to go into Chanel but was scared of being frowned upon for having not enough money to actually buy anything by Chanel.  I continued.  There are a crazy amount of souvenir shops, all selling the same things.  There are also many coffee shops, doughnut shops and a huge number of Seven Elevens.  Not a Woolworths in sight.  I wonder where the people of Melbourne do their grocery shopping.  Do they have a trolley dude.  Probably not.  And that's a shame because everyone should have a trolley dude.  We stumbled across a huge sweet shop on our first night but wouldn't you know it, unsupervised, unrestricted, I couldn't find it again.  Typical!  After getting bored of wandering around shops - I'm not much of a shopper and even less of a window shopper - I decided I might do some writing.  Organised person that I am I had brought my laptop (with a non working battery) but forgot my notepad.  So I found myself a shop and made the exciting purchase of notepad, pen and grape flavoured lolly pop.  Living on the edge people!  My life is an exciting one.  I thought I'd head back to Federation Square - full of weird shaped buildings - and find me a spot to do some writing.  I ambled over - I do a lot of ambling - and was approached by a girl about my age who asked if I was looking for work.  I advised that no, I was just visiting and she smiled and walked off.  I then decided this was a random question and cursed myself for not finding out more.  For all I know she was a model scout or something.  Sarcastic ha!  I invested a dollar in a fluorescent Slurpee and then got distracted by a jazz band who had set up in the square.  The notepad was forgotten as I claimed a spot on the wall amongst various other folk and set about enjoying some music.  But it was bloody cold.  And although I had a coat and scarf I did not have any gloves.  With poor circulation it wasn't long before things started going numb.  It was only when I tried to phone Mystical Roo that I realised my index fingers weren't working properly.  And were a very pale colour.  Dag nabbit.  I figured that I probably needed to warm up again and that it was time for lunch.  As I bought a sandwich in the Seven Eleven my fingers still hadn't regained feeling and I had serious issues handling change.  I held up the queue and everything.  I warmed up back in the hotel room and promptly fell asleep with my sandwich.  So I'm not sure how productive my day was, especially seeing as the notepad is still in its plastic bag, but I enjoyed it.  Sometimes it's nice to have a break from having to do anything in particular.  A day of just ambling can be refreshing.  Today though I have two objectives.  To do some writing.  And to try my first Krispy Kreme doughnut. 

Little Stalky Gets Super Powers

I've recently discovered that I have powers.  The power to bring basil back to life?  The power to defeat rogue pigeons and land dwelling sharks?  The power to re crown trolley dude as dude of the trolleys?  No.  I have the power to control the television with the power of blinking.  Confused?  Yes, I am, all the time.  Mystical Roo and I own a somewhat dodgy DVD player.  We had to buy a new one when we arrived here so that we could play Australian DVDS.  Having not invested great amounts in this DVD player it can get a bit fussy sometimes.  If the disc is slightly old or scratched then the DVD player will throw a huge hissy fit and take it out on the film.  Often we find that the film will stop or leap forward or back a chapter.  This can normally be resolved with some grumbling and cleaning of the DVD.  Now I can't do anything about the leaping but I have seem to mastered control over the freezing.  No need for grumbling and cleaning anymore.  Not with magical Stalky and her blinking powers of wonder.  Cue the ominous goat!  The other day the DVD we were watching froze and we both sighed knowingly.  But something came over me and I stopped Mystical Roo from leaping to his feet to do some grumbling and cleaning.  Instead, I focused my attention on the screen and blinked.  And the screen leapt back into life as the DVD carried on its merry way.  All because I had blinked at it.  Now I'm not boasting or anything but I've successfully blinked three times and have solved our freezing issues.  On three separate occasions.  Coincidence?  I think not. 

I Can't Believe It's Another Woolworths Adventure

Yes, it's another Woolworths adventure.  Do I spend too much time there?  Probably.  But Woolworths is where the action is and with Trolley Dude's reign under threat and suspicious mind controlling jingles, there's not shortage of drama.  I'd ambled up to Woolworths yesterday after having my filling.  I think I might have been a little bit out of it at this point because I kept giggling and found myself feeling somewhat lost in the aisles.  What had I gone in there for?  Where was stuff kept?  Why are people giving me funny looks?  Maybe because I'm grinning to myself with a creepy lopsided smile.  I grabbed the items that I wanted and wandered over to the basket checkout where there was a very long queue with one girl serving.  I didn't care.  Couldn't have cared less.  I was in a very good mood and I've learnt that the less you care about these things the less they affect you.  No point in getting a grump on because it'll only put you in a mood.  So I had my basket on the floor, pushing it along with my foot and was minding my own business but I couldn't help but pick up on the conversation going on behind me.  Two old ladies were going on about the length of the queue.  They were not happy about the queue.  Who was in charge anyway?  Why wasn't someone doing something.  Were people queue jumping?  And then they got very cross about people committing the horrendous sin of bringing more than 8 items to the check out.  Shameful behaviour that.  They were most cross about this.  How dare their fellow shoppers overload their baskets.  Honestly, some people just don't stick to the rules.  I had never really considered this.  I had always just assumed this was the basket checkout.  If you had a basket then you went there because unless you have a trolley, how much can you realistically have?  Too much according to these ladies.  Disgraceful that people are so irresponsible.  And whilst they were busy admonishing people with more than 8 items I looked down into my basket and realised that I definitely had more than 8 items.  Probably more like 15 if you count individual lemons and what not.  And I might have felt sheepish.  But I didn't.  I felt mischievous and rebellious.  They were still ranting on about people and their overloaded baskets whilst I started unloading mine.  And I couldn't help but turn around and look at them.  Look at them and smile (bearing in mind half of my mouth is still numb so this is a very creepy smile) and slowly unload each individual item, blatantly announcing that I have more than 8 items in my basket.  I think I freaked them out a bit.  Crooked smiles have that effect on people.  Then I was overcome with the giggles again - I blame the anaesthetic - and had to force myself to behave lest I was dragged away by the men in white coats.  But I think I made my point.  There are more important things in life than whinging about people who have more than 8 items in their basket.  Imagining yourself as a walrus for example.  Very important. 

Trolley Dude Overthrown?!

Whilst dropping DVDs back at the video store I saw something truly shocking.  I saw a line of trolleys being pushed by someone other than trolley dude.  I know!  Shocking.  I've honestly never seen anyone other than trolley dude push the trolleys.  That's what he does.  I'm pretty sure that's what he lives for.  I imagine him to live in a trolley and use a trolley to get to work.  He would travel on the back of a trolley line like a man driving huskies across the snow.  I'm sure they have an official title.  Husky driver perhaps.  But this isn't about huskies people, this is about trolley dude.  Or rather the lack of trolley dude.  I eyed the new man suspiciously.  He was young, maybe only in his late teens and he had bleached hair and a dodgy hat.  He didn't look responsible enough to be handling the trolleys.  He didn't look like he cared.  So how had he come to such a position of power?  And where in the hell was trolley dude?  I immediately informed Mystical Roo of the development and he was shocked.  Then we realised what had happened.  It was because he cut his hair.  It really was the source of all his power.  And now that it's gone his power has gone.  And trolley dude has been overthrown!  I never thought I'd see the day.  I guess we'll just have to see how long this new kid lasts and whether trolley dude will be able to reclaim the throne. 

Little Stalky and Co Become Audience Members

So I mentioned that me and the gang were due to be audience members as part of Australian Top Gear and I bet you’re all keen to find out what happened.   Were there any land dwelling sharks?  Did they let Monster Noggin in?  Is Australian Top Gear as good without Clarkson?  No, Yes and no.  It was a cold night (we’re having weird May winds) when the four of us headed towards Sydney to participate as audience members.  That would be Monster Noggin, Mystical Roo and I, plus a friend who at this point doesn’t have a funky alias.  We shall call him Mr Mechanic.  It sounds jovial.  We turned up at dinner time, which meant we were all hungry.  Luckily some entrepreneurial folk had realised there would be hundreds of hungry people lurking around and so had set up a burger stand.  Nice.   We handed over our tickets and had our arms stamped with the Top Gear logo; proof that we were genuine audience members and not randomers off the street.  I think this is where the land dwelling shark got thwarted.  He didn’t have a stamp.  Get back to your letter box shark boy!  Any hoo, the set was exactly how it looks on TV.  Funny that.  We filmed for several hours, though most of this – as expected – involved us standing around whilst pieces of the set got moved, cars got shifted and presenters sorted themselves out.  We clapped on cue, we laughed on cue and even gasped in “surprise” as an engine was dropped from a height.  Of course we couldn’t see it hanging from the crane…But that’s TV.  I’ve had a number of behind the scenes experiences and have no illusions about how fake the whole thing is.  I must say that the people at Top Gear were certainly the friendliest and did a good job of keeping the audience entertained whilst they got things in place.  I was an extra in King Arthur (grubby peasant 264) – yes, I can be seen on camera – and the people there were just abrupt and rude.  We went to the GMTV thing in Sydney and they only cared about people with babies.  The Top Gear people were appreciative of people giving up their time, for free, to stand around and do as they’re told.   The presenters don’t have anything on Clarkson, Hammond and May, but they’re good in their own unique Australian way.  There I go with the poetry again.  We saw some interesting cars, Monster Noggin saved a man’s life and we saw Jamie Durie – stripper turned gardener and Australia’s answer to Alan Tischmarsh – run through the masses (to much applause) and have a chat with the host.  All in all it wasn’t a bad night and I’m pleased we had the experience but I don’t think we’d do it again.  There was a lot of standing around and on a school night, it was a late finish.  Mystical Roo drove home whilst Monster Noggin and I napped in the back.  And that was our evening.  I know you’re probably thinking, who is Mr Mechanic?  And, who did Monster Noggin save?  But that’s a story for another day.

Little Stalky Cleans Her Shoes



From left to right:  Mystical Roo shoe, Little
Stalky zebra print shoe, Little Stalky red
shoe.  Lots of shoes.



After a rare night out into town on Saturday, I was most upset to return home and realise that my beautiful red shoes had become marked and grubby.  I love my shoes.  They're bright red and have massive high heels.  What's not to love.  But it seems not everyone loves my red shoes because there was beer spilt on them, wine spilt on them and they were covered in scuff marks after various people had taken it upon themselves to stand on Little Stalky.  The hazards of going to overcrowded pubs full of drunken people.  Perhaps that's why it was a rare night out.  Anyway, my shoes aren't expensive but they're special to me and I was distraught that they were all marked up.  Mystical Roo, ever the optimist, assured me that there must be something out there that could fix the shoes.  I shouldn't give up.  I shouldn't sulk.  I shouldn't try to persuade him that the buying of new red shoes was the answer.  So where did we look?  Well, Woolworths of course.  We're very loyal you know.  And we'd hoped (and did) to catch sight of trolley dude.  We picked up a stain removal pack that caters to various different stains because, as the slogan said, not every stain is the same.  I had three little bottles of spray.  One for food and drink stains, one for gum and glue stains and one for ink stains.  They covered a lot more than that but that's what I remember.  I was dubious I must admit but I thought I'd give it a go.  For the shoes.  So I followed the instructions, sprayed the stain on my shoe, agitated the stain (I shouted abuse at it) and then dabbed with a cloth.  I swear to God that the stains disappeared before my eyes.  They vanished.  Like magic.  It was amazing.  I then started to worry that the stain removal spray would mark the shoe but to my relief it dried and my shoes were left looking as good as new.  Result!  I then decided I'd try it on other shoes.  I have a spectacular pair of zebra print shoes that I haven't worn in ages because they were marked and scuffed.  I simply couldn't bring myself to throw them away.  These took a little more work as the marks were years old but the stain removal did its thing and the shoes were back to their best.  Incredible!  I did Mystical Roo's shoes too just for good measure.  I'm pretty sure this stain removal spray was made by fairies and infused with magic.  It's the only explanation for such cleaning power.  I'll have to find out what the stain removal spray is called (I've forgotten) and who makes it (I've forgotten) and spread the word.  This stuff rocks!  

Trolley Dude Gets a New Look

We see trolley dude nearly every time we go to the supermarket.  He's out and about, taking care of the trolleys and doing what a trolley dude does.  He has a very specific style that reminds me, for some reason, of the Mediterranean.  He has tanned skin and dark hair, which is always tied back in a ponytail.  It's trolley dudes look.  So we were shocked today to discover that trolley dude has chopped off all his hair.  He looks like a different man.  A different trolley dude who definitely remembers trolley dude but now has a different trolley dude persona.  The confusion.  We always thought that trolley dudes power was hidden in his ponytail.  Without the ponytail does he still exert control over the trolleys?  Well yes, it would seem so.  He was out and about up to his usual business and the trolleys were well behaved.  He even came up to me to take my trolley when we had finished loading the ute.  I had to stop myself from saying, hey trolley dude, what happened to your do?  I didn't want to offend him or have him think that I was in any way stalking him.  I was, however, excited to have spoken to trolley dude - I had thanked him for taking my trolley - and trotted back to Mystical Roo to announce that yes, I had just spoken to trolley dude.  I think Mystical Roo was impressed.

The Break In

Last night Mystical Roo made the discovery that someone - probably someone evil - has smashed in the door to our storage cupboard in the garage.  Ours is a shared garage where we have our allocated space and a small cupboard behind this space, in which we can store various items.  In our case we store a massive box of Mystical Roo's CDs (he was once a DJ), my costumes (I was once an actress - ha!) and other bits and bobs such as winter shoes and suitcases.  Things that you don't use on a day to day basis and take up too much room in the flat.  It doesn't appear that the thieves actually stole anything (now there's a contradicting sentence) but we'll have to have a proper check when we get back from work tonight.  God knows what they were hoping to find in there.  It's not exactly a place where one would store expensive items.  Maybe they'd hoped to stumble upon some tools or something but instead found an unmovable box of CDs with Abba's greatest hits sat on the top.  Perhaps they were just mindless vandals who thought it would be fun to kick in someone's door.  After all, it's not like we have enough to worry about at the moment.  Kick us while we're down why don't you.  You scum.  I try and take a light hearted approach to this but it does make me very angry.  It's such an invasion of privacy.  What gives anyone else the right to damage someone else's property (our landlords in this case) and help themselves to other people's things.  No one has the right.  The other frustrating thing is the fact that no one else should even be able to gain access to the garage.  It's "underground" and has a door that can only controlled if you have the key.  The only other access is for people living in the flats above it.  Therefore, we've either got thieving neighbours (which is a possibility considering the newbies who seem to have taken up residence opposite us) or, as Mystical Roo suspects, our helpful neighbours haven't been bothering to close the garage door when they leave, thus leaving it wide open for whoever is walking past.  That's very lazy.  It's on a remote lock for Christ's sake.  All you have to do is press a button and the thing will shut itself.  So now we've got to liaise with the estate agent to get the door fixed and ensure that all of our belongings are still there.  I have a massive collection of Sims discs that were being stored in there but - sigh of relief - I've already confirmed that they're still there.  In fact Mystical Roo has brought them up to the flat for me.  I think I'll be nervous about storing anything down there now as it's obviously not that secure.  And the rogue washing machine was there too!  You'd have thought he'd have kicked up a stink when he saw intruders.  Perhaps not.  It must be a kind of payback for putting it out there in the first place.  I can see I'm going to have to engage the services of a land dwelling shark.  Then, I'll have a land dwelling, cupboard dwelling shark.  That would sort the buggers out! 

Tomato Down!

What's the first thing you like to do when you get up in the morning?  Brush your teeth?  Have some breakfast?  Pester your Mystical Roo for a cup of tea?  Don your leopard print wellingtons, grab yourself a broom and head outside - in your nightie - to clear the drain that has blocked once again?  Not my first choice of activity but necessary if one wants to save their beloved plants.  Deja-vu?  Too many bloody questions?  Yes.  The balcony has flooded again.  Damn my weather controlling ways!  Damn them!!!  The plants didn't seem too concerned but I had noticed the loss of several tomatoes overnight.  It was a sad sight to seem them floating about in the flood water like little red...things.  I think I lost about four in total.  Four whole tomatoes.  I can only assume that during the storm last night they were snatched from the plant and cruelly thrown into the water.  The horror.  Either that or we've got a case of night time land dwelling shark activity.  Unlikely though as I hear they're not fond of wet weather.  They are land dwelling after all.  I have offered the lost tomatoes to the Johns in the tree outside, hoping that something good can come of this.  Lets just hope the Johns don't get a taste for tomatoes and come looking for more.  Perhaps I didn't think this through.  On a brighter note, the mint is already growing like a monster.  I can see he is going to need repotting in the very near future.  I think I might team him up with the lemon tree in the battle against next door's bamboo.  A cunning plan.  

Little Stalky: Queen of the Clouds

After recently confirming that I can predict a storm with my headaches I've now started to wonder if I can actually influence the weather with my moods.  Could this actually be possible?  Does Little Stalky really have this kind of power?  Well, lets look at the facts.  Roughly three weeks ago I was super excited that El Kenco would be making her first visit to Australia.  On the day of her arrival the skies were blue, the sun was shining, the birds were singing and the land dwelling sharks were getting their groove on.  I'm not saying I can influence the animals but I guess the weather can in turn influence them.  They were happy.  I was happy.  We were all happy.  Then, three weeks on, the inevitable happens and El Kenco has to return back to England.  Much sadness.  Little Stalky is not happy.  El Kenco is not happy.  So since the day we drove El Kenco to the airport it's been grey and raining.  Grey and raining!  The weather has been as dark as my mood.  I went to bed last night feeling rather low as I was missing El Kenco and also battling with the other inevitable event: heading back to work.  Double whammy.  And all night it absolutely poured with rain.  It was hammering down and was so loud that it woke me up a number of times.  Then I couldn't get back to sleep as I was imagining the balcony flooding again - even though it had been ok all day - and my babies drifting away in an over sized puddle!  Stressful.  This morning I'm trying to get back into routine, setting my alarm, making my sandwiches, but I think it's going to be a long day ahead.  And so the clouds are churning outside, looking dark and menacing, threatening another downpour.  So it seems to me that I do have influence over the weather.  And if this is in fact the case, then I need to cheer up before people start lynching me over the rain.

El Kenco Feeds the Birds

El Kenco has been getting in touch with her inner Mary Poppins today, her inner Snow White, and has been feeding the birds.  This started first thing this morning when this monster bird landed on the balcony and appeared to be eyeing up my tomatoes.  El Kenco's solution for deterring the bird?  Feed it some cereal.  Or some Special K to be precise.  My God, that bird did not need any more food.  It was huge.  It was massive.  It was an obese bird.  It should have been wearing a bird moomoo.  It was so plump that it looked like it was about to pop.  It appeared to be having trouble moving.  It was waddling.  I wasn't sure it could fly.  I'm not sure that bird would have made it down to the tomatoes even if it had wanted to.  It didn't seem that interested in the Special K.  By the size of the thing I would say it lives on a diet of cheeseburgers and chocolate.  And possibly other birds.  And land dwelling sharks.  Massive!  After being shunned by the obese bird El Kenco was wooed by the pigeon with the quiff.  A pigeon she promptly dubbed Jedward.  Having been out of England for a few years now, I'd vaguely heard of Jedward but wasn't really sure who - or what - they were.  El Kenco explained that they have weird hair, which was why the pigeon was called Jedward.  El Kenco was determined to feed Jedward the remains of our lunchtime pie and was happily throwing scraps onto the grass.  She was most perturbed by the arrival of some pushy seagulls.  Bullies!  El Kenco set about removing the seagulls by chasing them off and let Jedward eat in peace.  The pigeon with the quiff seemed quite content to sit by our feet, nibbling pieces of pie, whilst El Kenco put the seagulls in their place.  She was disappointed when the pigeon with the quiff decided he was full and flew off into a nearby tree.  She's still looking out the window wondering if Jedward will return.

Magical Woolworths Bags and Why You Shouldn't Use Your Brother-In-Law as a Donkey

Whilst showing El Kenco and Biltong Boy the wonders of Australia, I did of course have to show them the wonders of Woolworths.  They couldn't travel half way round the world and not see the wonders of Woolworths.  Especially my Woolworths.  So, in the absence of Mystical Roo (yes, he's working again), and a car, the three of us took a wander up to Woolworths.  Trolley dude was there and everything!  I was thrilled and made sure to point out trolley dude.  The lady who served us today was actually very nice and polite, which was a total shock to the system.  Also, the fresh food people song was not playing, which I think caused some disappointment.  But still.  We did our shop, loaded up the conveyor belt - which I've always wanted to take a ride on - and then realised we didn't have a car.  Oh bugger.  Yes, we'd loaded up the trolley with loads of treats.  Cans of ginger beer.  Bottles of coke.  Bottles of milk.  Basically a lot of heavy stuff.  Fear not!  I announced that we would be fine.  After all there were three of us.  I may have suggested using Biltong Boy as a kind of donkey but have since revoked this comment.  Anyway, we managed to get all of our shopping home with relative ease.  El Kenco took some of the lighter bags and Biltong Boy and I shared the weight of the bottles by each taking one handle of the specially bought, Woolworths own, carrier bag.  Tidy!  And very handy.  We also established this is an excellent way to get people to move out of your path.  No one's going to question two people and their magic Woolworths bag.  Ha ha!  We did get a number of looks whilst walking back through the town but I thought we were being rather resourceful.  Not everyone has constant access to a car you know.  And in the absence of a car one has to make alternative arrangements!  And if you can't use your brother-in-law as a donkey then you just have to create a chain of people carrying magical Woolworths bags.  And that is all I have to say on the matter.