Little Stalky is Tormented by Weird and Random Wine

Mystical Roo and I enjoy a glass of wine.  And as much as we'd like to stock up directly from our local winery, we're on a budget and so have to stock up from our local Woolworths instead.  We normally buy a carton of red and a carton of white and go from there.  Yes I can taste the difference between that and a nice bottle of Saddleback Mountain red but I'm no wine connoisseur and am happy with a decent Merlot.  Normally we seem to pick fairly wisely but a few months ago we got a carton of red that was decisively manky.  Yes, manky.  It's so manky that we still have it here in the house.  You'd wonder why don't just chuck it away but we somehow continue to convince ourselves that maybe next time it will get better.  The next glass will be the winner.  It's describes as a Lambrusco red but it tastes more like a rose than a red.  It's very sweet - too sweet for me - and just lacks in flavour.  The other weird thing about this wine is that it seems to be lacking in alcohol.  Now I'm not saying I've tried to get drunk on this wine.  I don't think I've ever tried to get drunk - it just happens by accident.  But this wine has no effect whatsoever.  On either of us.  If I had two glasses of "normal"wine then I'd start to feel the effects of the alcohol.  I can have four glasses of this weird wine and feel nothing at all.  Not a sausage.  And it's not like I don't feel the effects and then have a hangover.  I'm fine the next day.  I checked the box, wondering if we had purchased non alcoholic wine, but it had the same alcohol percentage as the other wines.  Most confusing.  What is this weird and random wine that tastes too sweet and seems to be non alcoholic.  The thing is, we have - or had (as we drank some) - 5 litres of this stuff.  5 litres!  I won't even use this in my cooking as I'm fairly sure that last time I did it distorted the taste of my coronation chicken.  I'm not having the crazy wine mess with my cooking.  It's very random.  We've committed the name - the Lambrusco red - to memory and have vowed never to buy it again.  Never again.  We'll just have to have some guests round for drinks and see if we can fob it off on them.  Joking!  I would never be so cruel...