Sshh, I'm Sleeping!

I love where I live, I really do, but of a Thursday, Friday and Saturday night Mystical Roo and I are being plagued by drunks!  Maybe we're getting old - well Mystical Roo is anyway.  Maybe being in bed by 9pm on a Friday is a little early.  I don't really care.  When I'm tired, I'm tired and that's that.  So Thursday night seems to be karaoke night in the pub down the road.  I lose count of the number of times I've heard someone screeching along to Mustang Sally.  And Friday and Saturday night seem to be random music and noise.  Before I start sounding like a crazed party pooper with a pokey stick and clenched fist ready for the shaking, I need to clarify that I do go out, have been out, will go out again, but I like to think of myself as a more considerate drunk.  The friendly kind who generally falls asleep and dribbles a bit.  I accept that living down the road from the pub that I can expect a certain amount of noise.  The thing that's been getting to me and Mystical Roo is the random straggling drunks who appear at about 2am.  They seem to end up right outside our window and at this point start screaming, swearing, fighting, crying, vomiting.  Yuck.  Why do they have to choose our window?  Why not amble on down the road a little further where there's no one trying to sleep.  I'm often tempted to shout at the drunks and shoo them on their way but figure this will only end up with a broken window.  I've pondered setting up an elaborate drunk-watering device where a simple tug on a string from me would dump a bucket of cold water over the head of the offending drunk without said drunk realising where the attack had come from.  There are many problems with this idea, mainly the fact that I think this device would not be engineeringly sound and in my head is actually more like a magical floating bucket.  As I am not privy to magical powers I will have to rethink my plan of attack.  Maybe I do need a pokey stick after all.  So inevitably Mystical Roo and I will be awoken my some sort of drama unfolding just below us.  And then, just as you're drifting off to the land of nod, some peanut in his stupid peanut car will come flying down the road with an exhaust that sounds like it's choking and so much wheel spinning that you can practically smell the tyres.  And if that's not enough, the driver will then decide to beep, beepity, beep his bloody horn.  Who exactly are you beeping at?  Are you just beeping happily that you've actually managed to keep the car on the road and haven't killed anyone yet?  Or are you just unsure what a horn actually does and have to press it to remind yourself of the happy noise it makes.  Also, what are you doing driving around aimlessly at 2am?  Go home!  If only I could pinpoint a location for these drunks the next morning, when they're sleeping, dealing with a monster hangover.  Maybe I'd go and sit outside their bedroom window.  With a drum kit and the dulcet tones of my very special singing voice.  Ha!