Wild Camels

Did you know that there are actual wild camels living in Australia.  When someone told me this I thought they were pulling my leg as I have a reputation for being easily fooled.  When I saw a story about them on the news then I thought it must be true.  The news doesn't lie.  It certainly wasn't out to fool me.  So, wild camels are just wandering around Australia.  Admittedly they're not exactly ambling down the streets of Sydney but there are packs of them (packs?  herds?) chilling out in the outback.  How cool is that!  Apparently not very cool.  Apparently they're a bit of a menace.  How can camels be menacing?  Are they going around in gangs or something.  Gangs of camels.  I like it.  But it just seemed strange to me because I'd never really associated camels with Australia.  I always pictured them out in the Middle East.  But apparently Australia is the only country in the world that has one humped camels that are wild.  This is what I'm told.  Or this is what I heard.  Woo freedom for camels!  

It's That Time of Year Again...

Oh yes, Spring is nearly here and I couldn't be happier.  I might still need the Snuggie whilst I'm in the house but as soon as you step into the sun it's full on shorts and t-shirt weather.  I even managed to catch the sun over the weekend and now have strap marks to prove it.  The heating hasn't been on in weeks and the need for big fluffy socks is rare.  Other things that indicate Spring has sprung is the reappearance of Will the pigeon who, wimp that he is, can't handle a bit of cold weather.  Yeah, that's right pigeon.  I mocked you!  Anyway, there is also the usual fly activity and pretty soon I expect a cockroach or two to come scuttling out of the woodwork.  Goodness I make Spring sound nice!  But the trees are starting to bloom, the birds are starting to sing and Little Stalky is getting hugely excited about planting new plants!

Café Warfare

It's getting to that time of year when the weather is nice enough to sit outside and enjoy a coffee.  Or in my case, a milkshake.  There are a number of cafés in our little town, all with outdoor seating, but there is one that remains the popular favourite.  The café of cafés.  The place where we all like to go.  But there is obviously limited seating and with no one wanting to sit inside, a silent battle for seats begins.  If you arrive at the café and there's a spare seat then you have to grab it because this is a rarity, an extreme rarity.  More often than not we'll arrive and all of the seats will be taken.  Thus begins an intense examination of the folk who are already sat down.  Who is nearly finished.  Who is likely to be on the move.  Who's staying for a top up of coffee.  You have to learn to read the signs.  The grabbing of a handbag might be a move to leave or it might just be a move to retrieve a mobile phone.  A coat snatched up might be a cue but then the person might just be cold.  What's the weather doing?  Is it really that cold?  Is that old lady really chilly or is she actually getting up to leave.  There's so much to consider!  And then of course you have to keep an eye on the other vultures scouting for a table.  You might think you've got your table snaffled but then some sneaky woman and her dog will shoot in from the side and get in there before you had chance to blink.  Sneaky.  Consider too, the scouts on the other side of the road.  They might be keeping their distance and observing the situation from afar but they're speedy.  Those buggers will stop traffic just to whip in and steal your table.  You've got to stay alert.  Be on guard.  Don't let anyone distract you!  It's survival of the fittest in café warfare and weakness is simply not an option.  There's coffee and milkshakes on the line!  Of course you could always get drinks to take away and go and sit in the park but where's the fun in that.  

Will Mobilises the Troops

So we've not heard from Will the pigeon in a while now.  I think that pigeon's gone soft and naffed off during the winter months.  Now that Spring is knocking at our door, Will has returned.  And he's brought his buddies. Now, I haven't been aware of much pigeon activity and I haven't seen Will in a long time but today, in the park, there was unarguable pigeon activity.  And it was aimed at the head of our Australian buddy.  Innocently sat in the park, Monster Noggin made note that she'd seen a low flying pigeon.  I too had noticed the low flying pigeon.  Cruising just inches off the ground.  Cruising.  Spying.  Scouting.  This was the advance party, checking out the enemy, preparing for an attack.  A second low flying pigeon was quick to follow.  I eyed these pigeons with suspicion, as often I do, for in all likelihood they're part of Will's crew.  I think I was proved right when a third pigeon launched its attack.  Upon deciding that chips were in order, we stood and gathered our things.  We started to walk in the direction of the harbour.  It was then that a low flying pigeon became an attack pigeon and launched itself in our direction.  Actually it aimed itself in the direction of our Australian buddy's head!  It missed her by mere inches.  Inches!  It literally flew right through us, sending us scattering and commenting on the audacity of the pigeon.  It drew the attention of many a park goer.  But did the pigeon really miss or was it just a warning?  A warning from Will the pigeon that he's been watching us and mobilising the troops.  It was a close call.  This time it was just a close call but next time it could be a pigeon in the face.  

Lip Gloss in the Wind: Foolish

The other day I went to the fish market to get some fish.  On that day it was pouring with rain and blowing a gale.  But I had to get the fish.  I was cooking dinner for Monster Noggin and Mystical Roo and not having fish was simply not an option.  Fish had to be got.  But it was ok because I've been out in those conditions before.  You simply have to go out prepared.  So I donned my leopard print wellies, Mystical Roo's rain jacket, I grabbed my umbrella and I wandered out into the wild weather.  Oh yeah, I'd also put on some lip gloss.  Honestly, what kind of numpty puts on lip gloss before heading out into the wind and rain.  It's foolish, plain and simple.  Why?  Because lip gloss is sticky and in wind and rain it acts as a magnet for anything flying around.  I'd also neglected to tie back my hair.  So I stepped out into the weather and cursed myself the whole way there and the whole way back for the stupid application of lip gloss.  I was constantly plucking my hair away from my lips as various strands became stuck to the lip gloss.  And that's no easy task.  You have to do it carefully and considerately.  Get it wrong and you'll end up dragging lip gloss covered hair across your face, therefore giving yourself little smears on your cheeks and forehead.  It's not a good look and try as you might you can't pass it off as war paint.  No, lip gloss in the wind is never a good plan.

Little Stalky's Recycling Conundrum

I try my best to recycle everything that I can but I've recently started to become frustrated with the jars and what not that seem impossible to clean out.  Peanut butter for example.  That stuff sticks to the sides and simply won't move.  I even tried soaking it and it didn't move.  Peanut butter is possibly a little bit evil.  Mayonnaise can be problematic too and jam is just sticky.  Then of course you have to contend with mini jars that you can't get a hand into - well you could try but I think it would get stuck.  I feel like I need a little hose or something to shoot powerful jets of water right down into the jar.  So then I'm wondering, is it really worth it?  Because I know recycling is important but then so is water.  And I'm using a fair amount of water to just try and get the jars clean.  Which is the greater good?  Recycling jars or saving water?  Or should I just be putting the jars into the recycling without them being fully cleaned.  I don't know.  I don't know what the right thing is to do.  I'm in a muddle.  I'm in a recycling conundrum!

Little Stalky Launches Her Book

I recently made the decision to make my novel available on Kindle and yesterday, after ridiculous amounts of checking and double checking, I submitted my work.  It was approved and I was told it would take around 24 hours to publish.  Yesterday - and today to be honest - I was a big ball of nerves.  All excited and nervous and nervous and excited.  It's a scary thing putting your work out there for people to read and judge.  It's the judgement that I'm most scared of.  I feel proud of my book and I hope people will enjoy it but I'm sure that some people won't.  I was scouring other books the other day to see how it all worked and whilst some people leave pleasant comments, others write scathing reviews.  I feel I shall have to develop some thicker skin.  I woke up this morning to discover that the book was live!  It's now sat there on the Amazon website waiting for people to pay it attention and give it a bit of love.  So, if anyone has a Kindle and would be interested in reading my book please feel free to follow this link  Alternatively if you just want to check out the front cover of my book, this link will satisfy your needs also.  Or...you could just look at the attached picture.  Any hoo,  if you read the book and like the book please let your friends know about it.  Stalky out.  

Little Stalky Can't Dance

With Mystical Roo's work, he is often up at the crack of dawn to go and work on site.  Sometimes I sleep through his alarm and his shufflings as he gets ready.  Sometimes - if he's lucky - he gets a vague grunt from under the bed covers as I wish him a good day.  It might not sound like I'm wishing him a good day but honestly, that's what it is.  Today, however, I broke all norms and actually got up with Mystical Roo.  At about 06.10.  Ok, it was a little bit after Mystical Roo, after a cup of tea had been made for me, but it was still pretty early.  I was having one of those mornings where I was just awake.  I was awake and I needed a wee.  I figured I may as well just get up.  So I farewelled Mystical Roo and Bob-a-Roony as they went off for the day and poured myself some oats - woo oats!  By 06.30 I'd finished breakfast and thought maybe I'd make use of my early start to do some exercise.  I don't like doing exercise - I find it really boring - but it's one of those things we all have to do.  I actually wanted to do something a bit more energetic than yoga but didn't fancy going out for a run.  So I dug out the official Dirty Dancing workout DVD.  I bought this years ago back in England but never actually used it.  I liked the idea of getting my Stalky groove on to official music from the official film.  I wondered how I'd reenact the famous woman-being-balanced-above-head-of-muscular-man without Mystical Roo but figured I could use the sofa.  I think I made several mistakes with this DVD.  One, never trust an official DVD because no matter how official the thing might be it doesn't mean it will be any good.  Two, I can't actually dance.  I have no rhythm.  I don't know why I do this to myself.  I've tried dance DVDs before only to find myself confused, unable to keep up, unable to follow the moves, unable to coordinate my feet and ultimately very frustrated.  I remember wailing to Mystical Roo that I couldn't salsa like the girls on the DVD.  Makes a Little Stalky feel inadequate.  So anyway, I don't know why I thought the Dirty Dancing DVD would be any different.  I can confirm it wasn't.  Once again I was left shouting at the TV screen, demanding the other dancers slow down.  It's a good job there were no witnesses to my early morning routine. Honestly, I looked ridiculous.  I grape vined with little enthusiasm and then cringed when I was forced to do jazz hands.  For someone who comes from a theatrical background, I don't get on well with cheesy dance routines.  So I was getting frustrated with the DVD, frustrated with myself and then I had to put up with the ridiculous presenters and their awkward dialogue as they fought to outshine one another with their fun attitudes. Yuck.  No one needs that kind of crap before 07.00.  They really don't.  Not only that, but the promised music - you know, the official music - never actually made an appearance.  There was some sort of instrumental nonsense going on in the background but it was nothing that was going to put me in the mood to dance.  You'd get better music in a lift!  So I'm trying to dance along to the Dirty Dancing official workout with the most unnatural and annoying presenter type people in the world, tinny music that doesn't sound anything close to the soundtrack of the film and my own feet, which completely refuse to cooperate.  I had to do some yoga just to calm myself down again!  

Oats Are the Answer

For someone who used to eat nothing but Weetos (oh how I miss them) I've recently been getting rather experimental with my breakfast cereal.  I've been trying healthier options and seeking morning fuel that will keep me going for longer.  May I just say that oats seem to be the answer.  They don't taste of much - they're really boring actually - but my God do they keep hunger at bay.  Normally I'm at the biscuit barrel by 10.00 but with the oats I'm fine until lunch.  Result.  But I can't just eat oats.  They really are far too boring.  I've been mixing them with fruity cereal to try and up the flavour factor.  This seems to work well.  Much better than a dodgy sugar puff equivalent that I recently tried.  I was on the toast less than half an hour after a bowl of those things.  To quote Mystical Roo, you'd be better off eating air.  No more dodgy sugar puffs for Little Stalky.  Oats are the answer!  As long as I'm not refilling the oat container...

Little Stalky Gets Locked in a Cabin

Today's task at work has been to update the evacuation plans in the cabins.  Basically I had to unlock the cabin, remove the old evacuation plan, peel off manky bits of double sided sticky tape from days gone by and then attach the new evacuation plan.  Simple?  Yes.  But somehow I managed to get myself actually, properly stuck inside one of the cabins.  I must admit I'd had a little trouble actually opening the door but thought it was just me being clumsy.  The evacuation plans had to be stuck on the back of the door and so in order to do this I have to close the door behind me.  This had not been a problem in any of the twenty odd cabins I'd done beforehand.  But when I cleared away my things and gathered my bin bag I discovered that the door would not open.  I wiggled that door handle with all my might but nothing was happening.  And no it wasn't locked.  This was not a more traditional case of Stalky stupidity.  The tongue thing wasn't moving - wasn't having any of it - and the door was simply jammed shut.  After a couple of goes (I even gave the door a big old push with my shoulder) I figured I was stuck.  Then I felt a little tremor of panic as I realised this was the only way out.  I couldn't even climb out of a window because they're all covered in fly screen.  I know what you're thinking - major fire hazard!  But no.  I'm pretty sure I could put my fist through that fly screen or a chair through a window.  I decided that would probably not be the best course of action seeing as how I'd only been stuck for a few minutes.  At least I had a TV if I was in it for the long haul.  Oh yeah and an ensuite.  How very convenient.  But I was frustrated.  I had things to do and I didn't want to be stuck in a cabin.  I had no phone with me so no way of getting word back to the office.  I figured I'd have to get the attention of a passer by and ask them to get help.  Again, not the easiest thing with the fly screen.  You have to kind of squish your face up against it and hope your voice carries on the wind.  A groundsman did actually whip past the cabin in a buggy but I was too slow to get his attention and I was left with a sad expression on my face as I quietly whispered help.  I did call out of the window a few times but no one seemed to be around.  Between calling out the window, peering out the window and generally looking sad I kept getting up to try the door.  I had images of someone coming to rescue me only to open the door with relative ease.  I wanted to make sure I'd given it my best shot.  I didn't want it to be like one of those moments where you can't find something, then someone else has a look and it's right there in front of your eyes.  I did not want to feel like a pillock.  So this went on for a while, me calling and peering, but no one heard my cries.  I wondered how long it would take for the girls to realise that I'd been gone a tad too long.  Would anyone come searching for me?  Would they think I'd just gone home without saying goodbye?  Would it be left to Mystical Roo to realise I wasn't at home?  Would Mystical Roo even notice?  Would I not be found until the next set of guests were due to check in?  By then I might have made a life for myself in the cabin  and not wanted to move on.  With that in mind I had another go at the stubborn door handle.  I shoved the door, I grabbed the handle with both hands and I jiggled that thing like it had never been jiggled before.  It clunked, it moved and then it opened.  It opened!  The relief was immense.  I gathered my things and hurried back to reception where I announced that I had become locked in a cabin.  The girls noted that they did think I'd been gone a long time and then remembered that a guest had remarked on their way out that the door was a bit dodgy.  They were sympathetic and reassured me they probably would have noticed that I was missing at some point.  Probably.  The thing is, when maintenance went down to have a look at the door they couldn't really find anything wrong with it.  They reckon I might have fixed it with all my jiggling.  Well I'm glad I was able to do something useful with my time trapped in a cabin!  Next time I go a wandering I'll be sure to make my time of departure noted and my expected time or arrival remembered.  Then the next time I get locked in a cabin maybe someone will come and rescue me.  

The Little Yellow Chopping Board Suffers an Unprovoked Attack!

Mystical Roo is evidently very pleased with his new knife as he is taking every opportunity to chop at anything in sight.  Even if things don't need chopping.  Now the problem with this is Mystical Roo has become a little over enthusiastic with his chopping and has started to break chopping boards.  The other day he went straight through a big red chopping board and sliced the thing in half.  Now that's some over zealous chopping.  Arguably we now have two chopping boards but half the size of the original.  I'll try to focus on the positives here.  But what I can't be positive about is Mystical Roo's unprovoked attack on the little yellow chopping board which, Stalky fans may know, is my very favourite chopping board.  I only realised an attack had been made on the little yellow chopping board when I went to wash it up and realised it had a nice big crack running down the middle.  It hadn't snapped in half but it wasn't looking healthy.  And really you can't make two little chopping boards from an already little chopping board.  I was not impressed and though Mystical Roo looked sheepish he did think it strange that I had formed such an attachment to the chopping board.  I think the little yellow chopping board will be ok but to be honest he may never be the same again.  I'm thinking of confiscating the knife.  For the good of chopping boards I think I need to confiscate the knife.  Maybe now that he's gone through two chopping boards, Mystical Roo might tone down his chopping.  Maybe.

The Peace Lily Flowers

It's flowers a go here at the moment.  After much excitement concerning the lemon tree, I'm now excited about the peace lily.  The peace lily which has not one but two flowers!  Amazing!  I didn't even know it could flower so imagine my excitement upon finding the beginnings of two white lilies.  Amazing!  I guess I've been something right. 

Flowers Mean Fruit

Earlier on in the month I reported that the lemon tree had a) been invaded by aliens and b) was growing a random red bud.  Well the aliens have gone but the random red bud is getting bigger and bigger and has led me to believe that this may well be the beginnings of   a flower.  Not only that but lots more little red buds have popped up.  More flowers?  I am beyond excited by this development.  Surely this means that the lemon tree is alive and well!  The buds continue to grow and I check on them every day.  I feel that with Spring approaching the lemon tree may soon go into bloom.  And I've been told that flowers mean fruit.  Even more exciting!  But I've also been told that young lemon trees shouldn't have too much fruit or they won't cope.  So I'll see how the red buds develop, let them flower and if it looks like there is too much lemon activity then I'll pull a few off.  I won't like doing it but I'll do it for the good of the tree.  So I guess now I'll just wait, watch and see what happens.  

Little Stalky is a Rubbish Liar

When planning a variety of surprises for your boyfriend's 30th birthday there comes a time when a Little Stalky has to lie.  Actually, there comes many a time when a Little Stalky has to lie.  And these aren't bad lies.  Not evil lies.  These are cute little white lies that you know, in the long run, will make your Mystical Roo very happy.    I had to cover my tracks.  Internet histories were deleted, presents were hidden under pants, croissants were tucked away behind chocolate ice cream, cash was used, plans were made and lies were told.  What are you doing today Little Stalky?  I'm not secretly putting together a slideshow of photos from your childhood, Mystical Roo.  What are you doing today Little Stalky?  I'm not comparing prices of knives and searching for hotels in close proximity to a show that we don't have tickets for.  What are you doing today Little Stalky?  I'm not placing an order for party supplies.  The party supplies were probably the thing that caused me the most stress.  After much time on my amazing spreadsheet of comparative prices I placed my order for party supplies only to discover that the order wouldn't go through.  I was confused.  I checked that I'd ticked all the right boxes, filled in all the correct information and entered the correct card details.  Nothing.  I reconfirmed with Monster Noggin that we indeed had the correct card details.  Nothing.  So I phoned the company for assistance but they too seemed confused as to why the order wasn't going through.  They decided I would have to leave it with them.  They would call me back.  Call me back.  Ok, but I just knew that call would come through with Mystical Roo sitting right next to me.  So I had a plan.  I would put the phone on silent and simply let the call go to voice mail.  I even had a plan b.  If the first plan failed and my phone somehow announced in flashy phone style that an incoming call was in progress then I would pick up the phone, press the red hang up button and pretend there was no one there.  A cunning plan indeed.  I even had a plan c.  A plan in case I accidentally hit the wrong button and inadvertently answered the phone.  I would claim a wrong number.  Oh yes.  I had it planned.  But then, it dawned on me why the order wasn't going through.  It wasn't their system, it wasn't the computer, it wasn't the internet connection.  No, it was my dopey brain having an apparently dyslexic moment and reading the expiry date of the card in the wrong order.  Month then year not year then month.  Good God!  So I fixed the problem, placed my order and emailed the company to assure them that everything had been fixed.  Good.  So I thought that was it.  And I didn't put the phone on silent.  So when at 19.00 that night the phone started chirping away and I didn't recognise the number it dawned on me that they had not received my email.  Oh dear.  But wait!  There was still plan b and even plan c.  But I panicked.  I totally panicked.  I answered the phone as casually as I could.  The woman asked if it was me.  I said no.  She asked if I'd called the company earlier on.  I said no.  The woman seemed confused.  I panicked again.  I ended up running into the bedroom, shutting the door and whispering urgently to the woman that it was all a surprise, my boyfriend was in the house and I couldn't talk.  I then hung up, feeling ever so slightly rude.  Then I realised that I'd just disappeared into the bedroom with my phone.  Well that's not suspicious at all.  So I grabbed my lip balm in a vague attempt to make it look like I'd been in there for a reason.  Something that, in retrospect, Mystical Roo probably didn't even notice I was carrying even though I was making a great show of applying lip balm to my lips.  Mystical Roo was playing on the PlayStation but still looked up to enquire who was on the phone.  Again, I panicked and came out with the most ridiculous suggestion that Hot Frog had called, at 19.00 to offer me ad space.  At 7 o'clock? was the query from Mystical Roo.  I confirmed that it was true and then scurried away to the kitchen.  Mystical Roo did not question things any further.  I consoled myself with the fact that even if Mystical Roo had been suspicious of the phone call he probably had no idea that it was a party company calling about party supplies.  I later regaled Mystical Roo with tales of my horrifying phone call.  Mystical Roo shrugged and said he hadn't thought anything of it.  So either I'm a better liar than I thought or Mystical Roo simply doesn't pay attention.  I suspect it's the latter.  

Mystical Roo's New Toy

I bought Mystical Roo a few gifts for his birthday but I wanted to give him something that he could keep and remember as the present Little Stalky gave him for this 30th birthday.  Whiskeys a good gift but it goes down too quickly and whilst I'm sure the memories of watching a live performance of Mary Poppins will last a lifetime I wanted Mystical Roo to have something, you know, solid.  So what does a Little Stalky buy for the man who already has a surfboard?  She buys him a big ass knife!  Oh yeah!  I bought Mystical Roo a Wusthof Classic 26cm Chefs Knife.  It's a beast.  I did a fair bit of research and was torn between the heavy German blade or a more light weight Japanese style knife.  In the end I decided that Mystical Roo would appreciate a heavy beast of a thing.  A manly knife.  A knife with a bit of grrrrr power.  That's grrrr power, not to be confused with girl power, which is a very different thing.  My research definitely left me wanting the Wusthof, a beautiful knife, perfectly balanced and hardcore enough to take on pretty much any kitchen task.  I was sold when I read one review where a woman had noted how her husband had referenced Crocodile Dundee and said "this is a knife!"  And on that note I decided that yes, this definitely was a knife.  A very good knife.  Mystical Roo is a good cook and likes hanging out in the kitchen, you know, chopping stuff, so I thought it would be nice for him to have the best tool for it.  You can buy knives in the supermarket or Ikea or whatever but nothing compares to a good quality blade.  Yes I spent a few hundred dollars on this bad boy but he'll last a life time.  And where possible I want nothing but the best for the Mystical Roo.  So I ordered my knife with the help of Monster Noggin and was very excited when it arrived at the post office.  When I went to collect the package I was surprised by how heavy it was.  And how big the box was.  It turned out that the knife had been generously packed with loads of those little inflatable bags and lots of bubble wrap.  After popping a few bubbles - it has to be done - I took the knife out to examine it and once pleased with my purchase I then discarded any evidence of my purchase.  Except for the purchase itself obviously.  Because that would be silly.  I had that knife hidden in my wardrobe for a good month or so before I decided to wrap it.  Honestly, all manner of things ended up in my wardrobe in the lead up to Mystical Roo's birthday (including a carton of orange juice) but the knife was the most pointy.  I wrapped it and was excited on the morning of Mystical Roo's birthday to present him with his gift.  Mystical Roo was intrigued by the weighty little package.  Then Mystical Roo was thrilled with the big man knife inside.  Yeah! I knew he'd want the big heavy German knife.  Yeah!  The first thing he did was throw an apple in the air and slice through it with the knife.  He didn't miss either.  Though at first it did look like it.  But oh no, that knife is so sharp it sliced through the apple so neatly that we didn't know it had done it until the apple fell into two halves.  Cool!  Mystical Roo has since  been demonstrating the knife to the rest of the family.  He hasn't exactly been wandering around throwing apples in the air but he has been randomly chopping things.  We did the tomato test and the knife glided through.  Honestly, I used it to chop some sweet potato last night and it was like cutting through butter.  And if you've read my tales of sweet potato mayhem you'll know that normally it's a monster struggle.  Yes, the Wusthof knife is an impressive beast.  It puts the other knives to shame.  I'm actually a bit scared to use it just in case I have one of my clumsy moments.  I know that spending that kind of money on a knife means you'll want to make the right decision but if anyone is reading this and wondering whether it's a good choice, trust me, it's a good choice.  Go Wusthof!  

Starting the Season in Style

As part of Mystical Roo's ongoing birthday celebrations we - Monster Noggin and I - decided to throw him a surprise birthday party.  Exciting.  We were fairly sure that Mystical Roo had never had a surprise birthday party before and we were fairly sure that we'd never organised a surprise party before.  We set a date for a Friday night and planned to lure Mystical Roo round with promises of food and cheesecake.  He was easily snared.  We realised that the party would neatly coincide with the start of the football season and more importantly, Norwich's first game.  We therefore did what any loyal canary would do.  We themed our party yellow and green!  Yes the Aussies on the guest list were confused but we managed to explain the situation and even persuaded a few to don an actual Norwich shirt.  So we had yellow and green balloons, 95% of which were blown up by yours truly.  I suppose I've got to put all that hot air to good use.  We had yellow and green bunting?  I put a question mark after bunting because I'm not sure if that's really what it is.  It was yellow and green crepe paper in streamer form.  We then snaffled Norwich memorabilia in the form of scarves, shirts and hats before using them to decorate Monster Noggin's house.  We even had yellow and green lights.  Finding yellow and green themed food is not quite as easy but we did come up with yellow and green vodka jelly shots - did you know Australia seems to have jelly crystals and not cubes  Weird - we also had cucumber and yellow pepper for dipping.  I bought some foam bananas because they were yellow and Monster Noggin used yellow and green icing to decorate Mystical Roo's birthday cake but that was about as far as we got.  Surprisingly there's not a whole lot of yellow and green food out there.  Who knew.  As well as our fabulous yellow and green decorations we also stuck up photos of Mystical Roo from various periods of his life.  We had baby Mystical Roo, small child Mystical Roo and teenage Mystical Roo.  Pictures of current Mystical Roo seemed pointless as he was actually there and if people wanted to know what he looked like - or looks like - they could just look at him.  Makes sense.  Oh yeah, I also did up a nice slideshow (yellow and green background) with pictures of Mystical Roo.  We even had a shot of Delia in there, which the Norwich fans understood but which the Aussies probably just thought was some random relative of Mystical Roo.  As far as I'm aware Mystical Roo is in no way related to Delia.  So there was much scheming for this party with Monster Noggin "in Sydney" for the day and me "at home" for the day.  When I got home to await Mystical Roo's return from work I had to play it cool on the sofa.  Not easy!  When we returned to Monster Noggins house I don't think Mystical Roo had any idea what was about to happen.  He opened the door to a sea of yellow and green and was greeted with birthday wishes, party poppers and silly string in the face.  Excellent.  I quickly snuck off to get into my party gear - black shorts, football socks (stolen from Mystical Roo) and my own Norwich shirt.  Then I whipped out the Norwich shirt I'd snuck into my handbag and handed it to Mystical Roo so that he could blend in with the crowd.  You can't turn up to your own Norwich themed party and not have your shirt.  That would be crazy.  Mystical Roo was pleasantly surprised though I think somewhat shocked by the sneakiness of his sister and girlfriend.  We're sneaky!  But we kicked off the season in style. 

Evil Shoes of Doom Cause Harm to Toe Belonging to Little Stalky

Yes my toes are that ugly

So for our trip to the theatre I decided to wear a pretty red dress and pretty red shoes.  Now I have two pairs of pretty red shoes - one with vaguely reasonable heels and one with with sky high, crazy, ridiculous heels.  Sensible gal that I am I opted for the vaguely reasonable heels.  I figured we'd be walking to the theatre and I didn't want to have painful feet.  I went for the safe option.  Or so I thought.  I must admit, I haven't actually worn these shoes for a good few years but I remember wearing them at a Christmas party and they seemed to be ok.  So either my feet have grown, the shoes have shrunk or there was evil at work that night because we'd walked less than five minutes when my toe actually started bleeding.  Bleeding!  It was the evil peep toe that did it.  Honestly, never trust a peep toe.  The shoes weren't even really hurting when I felt a trickle of blood run down my toe.  I looked down and was less than impressed to see a nasty gash and a bleeding toe.  Sure it matched the red theme of the night but it's not exactly classy.  Luckily for me it was dark.  When we arrived at the theatre I made my excuses - told Mystical Roo I had a bleeding toe - and then disappeared to the bathroom where much bog roll was used to mop up the blood.  This seemed to do the trick and I was able to enjoy the performance without fear of bleeding over the carpet.  My toe was stinging all the way home and although Mystical Roo suggested I remove my shoes I didn't like the idea of barefooting it down the street.  I particularly didn't like the idea of barefooting it through reception either.  With a bleeding toe.  With that and the x-trail we may well have been tossed out.  So I foolishly persevered and when we arrived back at the hotel I was relieved to sit down.  The only thing was, when I went to remove my shoe I discovered that the shoe had become fused to my toe.  Fused with blood.  Disgusting.  Very disgusting.  And painful!  I had to prise that shoe off my foot whilst swearing never to wear them again.  Never, ever!  So I bet you're thinking those shoes have hit the bin.  But no.  They're actually back in the shoe cupboard.  You know, just in case.  I hate to throw things away.  Even evil shoes of doom.

Little Stalky Experiences Valet Parking

For Mystical Roo's birthday we stayed at the Hilton in Sydney.  I booked us an executive suite and was looking forward to a little bit of luxury.  We set off for Sydney in a gold Nissan X-Trail.  Not a bad car per se but certainly not the best.  It sounds like a plane for a start and the wing mirrors are not to be trusted.  It's a bit rough round the edges.  It might have a bit of chewing gum stuck to a window.  But it does the job.  Most of the time.  It gets us from A to B.  Most of the time.  That morning we happened to have Mystical Roo's surf board with us so that he could have a birthday dip at Bondi Beach.  This surf board is a beast and we had to strap it to the roof of the car.  We don't have anything official to strap it to the roof with so we use bungees and rope.  Oh yeah and we protected the roof of the car and the surfboard by laying it atop a few layers of fake grass.  As you do.  On a separate note, if the bungees are being held in place by a closed door then don't - I repeat don't - open that door.  That's one way to lose an eye.  Or anger the driver parked next to you.  Anyway, bungees aside you have to picture how beautiful the x-trail was looking.  The roof was covered in fake grass with a bright red surfboard strapped in with bungees and rope.  So when we pulled up at the Hilton we looked some what out of place.  I thought we'd just park ourselves but we had no choice but to accept valet parking.  We pulled up behind - no I'm not joking - a Bentley and a Mercedes.  So, Bentley, Mercedes, dodgy x-trail with dodgy surfboard attachment.  I had to giggle.  I don't know about Mystical Roo but I've never experienced valet parking before.  It feels a bit strange giving your car keys to a stranger to do for you what you could quite easily do for yourself.  And then there's that awkward moment of oh am I supposed to tip?  Mystical Roo reasoned that it seemed strange to tip someone who probably earns more than you do.  So we left the x-trail, surfboard and all in the hands of a stranger.  When we came back less than 24 hours later I think I nearly fainted when I saw that the cost of parking amounted to $170.  Luckily for us, as guests of the Hilton, this was reduced to a more digestible $46.  I had actually called to check the cost of parking so I think I knew we wouldn't have to pay the $170 but it still made me nervous.  $170 on parking!  That's just crazy.  We paid our ticket and wondered what to do next.  It seemed we didn't need to wonder for too long as the x-trail made a speedy entrance.  Good old x-trail.  I wonder if Mystical Roo told the valet parking dude about the dodgy hand break and weird method of putting the car into drive.  I know what you're thinking, oh, Little Stalky, should you be driving this thing?  Well I wasn't.  Mystical Roo was.  But it's perfectly safe.  You just have to understand it's little intricacies.  I wonder what the x-trail made of its night in the Hilton.  I hope it wasn't intimidated by big scary Bentleys and what not.  I'm sure it held its own.  After all, it did have a big ass surfboard strapped to its head.  And some fake grass.  Travelling in style, our own unique style.  But quite frankly if I'm paying that much for parking and much more for the room then I think we can drive whatever the hell we want.    

Mystical Roo's BIG Birthday

Well I've been a busy Stalky these last few days unleashing various surprises on Mystical Roo for his 30th birthday.  I wanted to write about it, I wanted to tell you all but I was so scared that if I wrote something then Mystical Roo would somehow uncover the surprises before he was meant to.  The pressure I've been under has been immense.  It's quite possible that I've now fully lost my marbles.  But now all the surprises have been unleashed and I can breathe easy again and feel happy that the whole thing was a huge success.  So here's the thing.  We're on a very tight budget but I knew I wanted to do something special for Mystical Roo's 30th.  So about a year ago I started saving.  As we have a joint bank account I couldn't just store it like a normal person.  No, I had to store cash in my wardrobe.  In a sock.  Yes, a sock!  So over the year I've been snaffling a $20 here sometimes even a $50 there and stuffing the cash into my sock.  I built up a fair stash and was able to start plotting Mystical Roo's surprises.  There would be a surprise trip to Sydney with a stay in a posh hotel, dinner and a trip to see Mary Poppins.  After that we would throw a surprise birthday party for Mystical Roo.  There was much organising, much plotting and poor Monster Noggin had to put up with me for about four months as I agonised over every single detail.  We sneaked, we snooped and we fooled Mystical Roo right up until the end.  As you can imagine with this kind of intense Stalky activity there were a number of memorable moments.  Too many to fit into a single blog post.  So be prepared for the next few days to be filled with crazy Little Stalky antics.  For the time being I seem to have exhausted myself so am now plotting to crash on the sofa.  All this scheming can take it out of a person!

Come on the Lemon Tree!

Optimistic as ever I like to think that my lemon tree will be ok, despite the fact that it has about five leaves left and is looking a bit sad.  I must say that a move into a sunnier spot seems to have done it good.  In my search for answers I joined a gardening forum and "asked an expert".  This is what my expert thinks:

I am sorry to see that your lemon tree is doing so poorly.  There is no reason why your lemon tree shouldn't do well.
Firstly, citrus trees need to be planted in a full sun, protected from cold winds position.  They need a well drained position and need regular feeding during the spring/summer months.(Dynamic Lifter for Fruit & Citrus).  From what you have said, your tree appeared to do well during the warmer months.  Look at the position it is planted in and if necessary, move it to a more suitable spot.
It has been a particularly cold and wet winter this year and perhaps this may be the reason why it leaves have turned yellow and stated to fall off. Check the potting mix you have planted it in and make sure the drainage holes in the bottom of the tub are not blocked.  If the roots are too wet and waterlogged, there will be a lack of oxygen available to the root system and the plant will consequently suffer.  I am sure if you relocate the pot to a full sun position, check that the potting mix is well drained, you will notice it will start to pick up as the warm weather approaches.

The expert seems positive so I feel positive.  Come on lemon tree!

Happy Birthday Mystical Roo

I'd like to use today's blog post to wish a very happy birthday to my Mystical Roo.  Today he's turning thirty.  The big 3 0.  He's leaving his twenties behind and entering a new era!  I'm sure you're all wondering, oh, Little Stalky, what have you planned for Mystical Roo's birthday.  Surely you've gone to lengths to ensure Mystical Roo's 30th is super special?  Well I have.  But, for reasons which will soon become clear, I've had to pre-type this post and I'm scared to write anything too detailed in case a) I jinx things and b) something goes wrong, the post goes out early and things are revealed that shouldn't be revealed.  Rest assured the planning of Mystical Roo's 30th celebrations have been FULL of Little Stalky adventures.  And I shall tell you about them.  Just not yet.  I can tell you're intrigued.  For now I shall simply wish my Mystical Roo a happy birthday.  Happy birthday Mystical Roo.  I hope you have a wonderful day.  

Breakfast Rocks!

Ah breakfast.  The most important meal of the day.  I wholly agree with this.  For me, breakfast really is the most important meal of the day.  If I don't get fed at the appropriate time then I simply don't function.  This can lead to grumpy Stalky, sulky Stalky, confused Stalky and even shaky Stalky, though I'm pretty sure that's down to low blood sugar level.  Now breakfast for me is less about a specific time of day and more about a specific time in my routine.  Basically when I wake up I need feeding.  Regardless of what time it is.  If I have to be up at 04.00 then so be it but I still need feeding.  If I wake up at lunchtime I still want breakfast.  My favourite breakfast?  I don't need much.  A bowl of cereal and a cup of tea will do me nicely.  If you want to throw some croissants my way?  Hell I won't refuse.  If there's a fry up on the go then I'm not one to say no.  But generally breakfast consists of a cereal and tea often served in my matching breakfast set as pictured above.  How cool is my breakfast set?  It's pink and purple and has pictures of Eeyore.  Very cool.  Mystical Roo bought this for me as a gift one year.  That man knows what I like!  And look at the size of the mug.  How much tea fits in there?  A lot of tea.  Yeah!  I think everyone should have a matching breakfast set.  And I think everyone should have breakfast.  It sets you up for the day and kick starts your metabolism and what not.  The final word?  Breakfast rocks!

Little Stalky Acquires Shredded Paper

Just a quick one tonight as I'm afraid it's been a rather long day - crazy tales to follow.  Just to let you all know that I have acquired / snaffled / been given a big pile of shredded paper courtesy of work.  I came home with it yesterday in a big ass bin bag and now that shredded paper has been added to the compost bin in an attempt to thwart any further fruit fly activity.  I must say they were quiet last night but I think that had more to do with cooler weather and lack of sunshine than the shredded paper itself.  Still, I have high hopes for the shredded paper and hope it does the trick.  I'll keep you posted. 

Little Stalky's Dodgy Leg

Today I'm walking with a bit of a limp.  No, I wasn't attacked by a land dwelling shark.  No, it's not some weird Stalky scheme to get attention.  No, I did not fall up or down the stairs.  This is a recurring thing that I've had for as long as I can remember.  It's kind of like a dodgy hip or something.  I don't know.  All I know is that one minute things are fine and the next minute my left leg just locks up.  When I put weight on it I get a shooting pain in my leg, hip and lower back.  Not cool.  Not only that but when I'm sat down, you know, just chilling out, it kind of aches.  I think I damaged something many years ago trying to do the splits or something and now it pops up once in a while to annoy me.  The thing is I don't really know what sets it off.  It's never something major.  It's not like I get back from a jog and go oooh, my leg hurts.  I don't fall over or catch myself at a funny angle.  I don't do anything in particular.  I'll just get up or I'll take a step and all of a sudden it's there.  How evil is that!  What kind of crazy leg pain does that to a person.  So this kicked off last night and there was much moaning.  It was a bit lost on Mystical Roo though, who had just got back from not one but two games of football.  This was the day after he'd played another two games of football.  So Mystical Roo was hurting too.  We were both hurting.  We're probably both still hurting.  The only thing is I get to go to the office for the day but Mystical Roo has to go and work on site.  I guess I've got it easier.  You've got to feel sorry for the girls at work.  They've got to put up with me today and my dodgy leg.  Luckily for me Ammy is giving me a lift to work so at least there won't be too much walking.  Normally the dodgy leg gets bored of annoying me after a day or two so I'm hoping it won't be lurking too much longer.  In the meantime I shall try to control my complaining.

The Recipe Snaffler

I've recently been on a recipe snaffling mission - stealing recipes from magazines.  Stealing is probably the wrong word actually; it's not like I've been sneaking into shops and whipping recipes out of magazines without making a purchase.  These are old, used magazines that get left laying around.  I swoop on them, scour the recipes and rip out the ones I want.  Then they get stuck into my little cook book, which is quickly becoming a fat scrap book of recipes.  I have a number of recipes that I like the look of but haven't got round to trying but in the last week I've done three experimental dishes.  Last weekend we had tequila prawns, last week we had paprika fish and last night we had fish cakes.  Apparently I'm favouring fish.  I do like to experiment in the kitchen but I'm not really a natural cook so there is much frowning over recipes and double checking of ingredients.  All the dishes were a success but I think the fish cakes were my favourite.  Nice and easy to make and very tasty.  I made so much that we had plenty left over to freeze so it looks like fish cakes will be on the menu again in the coming weeks. Woo fish cakes!  So we're in to experimental recipes at the moment and even raided the library yesterday for cook books.  Again, raiding is not quite right.  We went in like responsible citizens and borrowed the book.  Officially.  There was no stealing.  Tonight it will be pumpkin risotto - a recipe learnt from Monster Noggin.  I'm excited about this because it means I'll get to use herbs from the garden.  Woo herbs from the garden.  And now all this talk has made me hungry so I'm off in search of biscuits.  

Fruit Fly Situation

In my first compost related drama I currently find myself in the midst of a fruit fly situation.  Fruit flies are in my compost.  It's most annoying.  I'm not against fruit flies per se but I don't appreciate a whole swarm of them flying into my face when I go to stir the compost.  I also don't appreciate fruit flies hanging around the house.  It's so not a good look.  I suppose a certain level of fruit fly activity is to be expected around rotting fruit.  Apparently there are states in Australia that are fruit fly free (try saying that a few times) but NSW isn't one of them.  I have no idea how states become fruit fly free but I've seen signs.  How do they keep them out?  Is there some sort of invisible barrier that only fruit flies can see?  Weird.  So I've been doing some reading and apparently I should try adding some shredded paper or cardboard into the mix.  Apparently the fruit flies will not appreciate this addition.  So I'll give it a go.  Because I don't want the fruit flies getting too comfortable in their new home.  Stalky out.  

Mini Heat Wave

We might still be in deepest darkest winter but we're also in the midst of a mini heat wave!  Yesterday it was 25 degrees and sunny.  I walked to work yesterday and was admiring the feeling of spring.  The sky was a deep blue with not a cloud in sight.  The trees were lush and green.  Birds were singing, children were skipping and all was well.  Beautiful.  It's been such a sudden change.  I've gone from wrapping up in my snuggie to wearing shorts and t-shirt.  The heatings been off and the doors have been open.  It's been glorious.  And it reminded me of just how hot this country can get.  I'm sure this heat wave won't last and that we'll have another cold snap before long but I feel the weather has now made a turn.  Summer here we come!  

The Lemon Tree Gets Invaded by Aliens and the Leafy Dude Gets a New Name

What is it?!

OK, there's a few things I want to share today from Little Stalky's garden.  Both inside and out!  Firstly, I've been checking the lemon tree a number of times a day and offering it words of encouragement.  I've even taken to patting it's branches but I'm not sure this is going down well.  Anyway, on closer inspection of the lemon tree I noticed two things.  One - there appeared to be weird tiny caterpillars attached to the branches.  Now I'm not sure if these are horned caterpillars of doom or something far more sinister.  Yes, they're smaller but they look far more alien.  They have the same colourings of the horned caterpillars of doom but are small - about the size of a Smartie - and round in shape.  I pulled one off with the secateurs and - this is not a joke, this is not a drill - all I saw was a little round mouth full of teeth.  Seriously!  It was like an evil alien invader, sucking onto the branch.  Disgusting.  Well I'm sure you can guess what happened next.  The offending creature got squished.  I found three of them in total and all three of them got exterminated.  I have no idea what these things are.  I got my Google on but found nothing that sounded similar.  Therefore I can only conclude that the lemon tree has indeed been invaded by aliens.  But that wasn't the only thing.  I noticed a small, red bud growing from the tip of one of the branches.  I have attached a photo in case anyone can help me but unfortunately the picture isn't great quality.  It's the phone and the shaky hand.  I apologise.  But I don't know if this red bud is a good thing or a bad thing.  Is it the start of a new leaf?  A new flower?  Is it some sort of growth that is hurting the lemon tree.  Again, Google was consulted but I could find no further information.  Maybe this red bud is the space craft in which the alien invaders arrived.  I don't know.  But I'd like to find out.  I want to know whether I should be encouraging this red bud or treating it with suspicion and caution.  Any suggestions would be helpful.  So that's the lemon tree.  

Leafy dude: AKA Peace Lily

                                             

The next thing is that I've discovered that one of my adopted plants is called a spathiphyllum.  I then discovered that a spathiphyllum is also known as a Peace Lily.  So, I have a Peace Lily.  Pretty cool huh?  Lets just hope I don't kill it!  But seriously, I try very hard not to kill my plants.  The Peace Lily seems healthy enough and I've done some reading on how to take care of him.  Apparently, if the conditions are right, he'll grow beautiful white flowers.  Who knew!  I thought he was just a leafy dude.  I had no idea there was the potential for flowers.  I still don't know what the other plant is called.  So there we have it.  That's the latest from Little Stalky's gardening antics.  We've got alien invaders on the lemon tree and a new identity for the Peace Lily who was previously known as the leafy dude.  What a morning!

Musical Stalky

Today I felt inspired to post a photograph of my beloved keyboard.  I can't exactly remember on which birthday I was given the keyboard but I've definitely had it for well over a decade now.  And it's still going strong!  It came to university with me and now I've dragged it half way round the world to Australia.  So I've had the keyboard for over a decade but I don't technically play.  I've never had a lesson and I certainly can't read music but I can hammer out a perfectly good rendition of "für elise".  I sort of play by ear.  I can normally hear a melody and then work out how to play it on the keyboard.  I have vague memories of my first keyboard - a little toy thing that refused to let you do chords but played a mean "frère jacques".  Then there was the organ, which I think Rabby and Bear Z picked up at auction, though they may well correct me.  When folded it would have made a nice rustic coffee table but it was set up in the lounge with a little stool and everything.  The organ would only play when you pumped air into it with the foot pedals at the bottom.  I remember I could never reach the pedals and sit and play so El Kenco would obligingly sit underneath the organ and pump the pedals with her hands.  Now that's sisterly dedication.  The keys on the organ were big, heavy and were slightly yellow in colour.  Some of the keys had little letters stuck onto them so that I could learn the notes.  I can't remember what I played - though I'm sure "frère jacques" was in there somewhere - but the memories of that organ are so clear in my mind.  I can picture the feel of it, the weight of the keys and the smell of ancient dust creeping from the wood.  I can remember that one of the pedals broke and El Kenco resorted to pumping one pedal and pulling at the other one so that she could ensure enough air was being circulated.  It was a beast of a thing but I loved playing it.  I wonder where it is now.  I shall have to investigate.  But now I have my keyboard and I still wander off to play a tune once in a while.  Luckily for El Kenco - or luckily for me - this one is powered through the magic of electricity so there is no pumping required.  Maybe one day I'll take the time to actually learn some music and expand my repertoire.  Then I can start a band.  And inflict myself on the music industry.  Maybe not.  But I still enjoy playing and would really like to improve my skill.  I feel I owe it to El Kenco to become a better musician!  

Naked Lemon Tree!

Avert your eyes people.  The lemon tree is naked!  Well, almost.  He's been losing his leaves for a while now but I only recently became alarmed when I compared a before and after photo.  Below is a photo of the lemon tree in the summer.  Look at how bushy he is.  How lush and green.  That's a healthy lemon tree.  Now look at the current photo, taken yesterday, of the lemon tree in his nudity.  You can count the leaves there are that few left.

Bushy

Naked!

  

Now I'm not sure what this is all about and I'm not sure if it's normal for a lemon tree to drop its leaves.  It's winter so I just kind of assumed the lemon tree was reacting to the change in season.  Maybe so, but from what I've read the lemon tree really shouldn't be losing his leaves.  I did also note that most of the leaves had gone yellow and on investigation discovered the tree would benefit from regular feeding and more sunlight.  So I've taken steps to try and help the lemon tree.  He's been getting regular feed and he's been moved into the sunniest spot on the balcony.  I must say that I've already noticed an improvement.  The leaves are turning green again.  There still aren't many leaves but at least the ones I have are green and not yellow.  So now I want to know if the lemon tree is going to be alright?  Is he going to make it to spring?  Will more leaves come back?  I can't believe how bushy he used to be!  Where did the leaves go?  Maybe the conditions here have been too harsh.  We don't get frost but it can get chilly and then of course we've had very high wind, heavy rain and more high wind.  Did his leaves just blow away or is this a more sinister problem?  Have those evil horned caterpillars actually been nicking off with leaves?  Grabbing them in their little caterpillar mouths and marching off?  I haven't seen any caterpillar activity in months but you just never know.  Those horned caterpillars are damned sneaky.  And underhanded!  I've been checking on my lemon tree every day and offering him words of encouragement.  I don't want to fail the lemon tree like I failed the basil.  I'm still a green gardener and I know I'll make mistakes but I don't want my lemon tree to become a learning experience.  I want him to be a triumph!  He was going to take on next door's bamboo tree.  Suggestions and words of encouragement will be greatly appreciated.   

Roll On Summer

August is the last month of winter and I'm counting down the days to spring.  Sometimes winter can be a nice change.  You get to explore your winter wardrobe and indulge in winter warming food such as lasagne, pie and roast dinner.  But all of this gets boring fairly quickly and I find myself longing for the summer days when I can walk around in shorts and t-shirt.  When I can have dinner on the balcony.  When the first thing I do on a weekend (where I'm not working) is go for a dip in the sea.  I suppose winter isn't exactly a struggle here - Mystical Roo was out surfing yesterday whilst I sat on the beach with my book - but I've had enough.  I'm ready for the proper sunshine.  I'm ready for the spring.   I'm ready for the summer.  I guess we'll have to wait until September before things start warming up a bit.  I'm normally not ready for the sea until around October and even then the water is freezing!  One has to go through a few weeks of numb hands and feet before the sea temperature sorts itself out.  I'm already plotting which plants will be joining the clan once spring finally arrives and I'm getting excited because Rabby and Bear Z will be visiting for three whole months as of November.  So, lots to look forward to at the moment.  No wonder winter is dragging!