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30 November 2010

LPU Down!

I got another walloping on the way to work yesterday in the wake of some seriously angry weather.  The weather was so angry, in fact, that I brought in the chilli plant for fear of him being spirited away in the winds!  Yet faced with wind and rain I still undertook the walk to work.  I was kitted out in the usual - waterproof trousers, jacket and inexplicably non waterproof trainers.  I had to escort my "secret Santa" gift to work too so worked a number of plastic bags into the rucksack to ensure waterproofness (an official term).  And of course I grabbed the trusty LPU.  I thought I was prepared to face the elements but the wind was truly vicious and attacked us with great force.  The LPU struggled, it fought, it battled to protect the Stalky but alas the LPU was beaten.  I arrived at work a sad and bedraggled mess with hair curling and mascara running down my face.  And my poor LPU was weakly breathing a sigh of relief as we entered the sanctity of reception.  My poor LPU.  Not a good start to the day.  The LPU and I returned home after a particularly intense day at work and flopped on the sofa.  The LPU and I turned on the TV and chilled out for the rest of the night with the chilli plant.  Three weary, storm weathered folk.  

29 November 2010

Little Stalky Lacks Common Sense

Sometimes, Little Stalkys just aren't that bright.  It's not that I'm stupid, it's simply that I'm often lacking in the common sense department.  An example of this was at dinner time the other day.  I'd made Mystical Roo one of my signature dishes - coronation chicken and had plans of whipping up a salad and grabbing some chips from the chip shop for a quick and easy Thursday night dinner.  Excellent.  So, wine in the fridge, glasses in the fridge for an extra chill factor and the weather is still lovely so we can have dinner on the balcony.  Mystical Roo returns home from work and with dirty Hobbit feet (that's another story) was directed straight towards the shower.  In the meantime I headed over to the chippy for a large portion of chips with extra chicken salt.  Yummy.  Now my plan all along was to get those chips into the oven to keep them warm until a) I had served up dinner b) Mystical Roo was adequately cleaned and dried and c)  the wine was poured.  The oven is on, the chips are in the oven and I'm spooning the coronation chicken onto the plates when I smell something decisively funky.  Mystical Roo, did you have a shower?  Is it you that pongs?  It wasn't a Mystical Roo kind of pong.  More of a burnt plastic kind of smell.  Not good.  It took me a moment but I identified the smell as coming from the oven.  Chippies?  What's going on in there.  I quickly whipped open the oven door and was met by a little waft of smoke.  I peered in and confirmed the chippies were fine.  But the polystyrene box they were housed in was not.  It was, in fact, melting and dropping chippies all over the joint.  Oh poo.  This was a moment to summon Mystical Roo.  He of the common sense variety.  Stalky did you put polystyrene in the oven?  Maybe I did.  Maybe I didn't.  No one can prove a thing!  Mystical Roo valiantly rescued the chippies and we only lost a few to the bowels of the oven.  Luckily the polystyrene hadn't inflicted any damage.  How was I supposed to know that you can't put polystyrene in the oven!  Mystical Roo was quick to point out that you don't put plastic in an oven.  I wasn't even sure that polystyrene was plastic anyway.  At least it wasn't as bad as the time I put butter in the microwave.  I didn't take off the tin foil and the thing burst into flames.  There was no fire this time.  Just melted plastic.

28 November 2010

Plant Rage

I'd like to introduce you all to the latest member of the balcony's plant family.  The lemon tree!  Huge Stalky excitement.  I cannot adequately describe how excited I was to get my lemon tree.  We brought him home on Sunday afternoon and repotted him before popping him out in the sunshine.  I think the lemon tree seems happy in his new home.  I've introduced him to the rest of my plants and so far everyone seems to be getting on well.  No arguments or anything.  All is well in Little Stalky balcony land.  Except for the plants next door...I went to great efforts the other day to sweep and clean and weed and mop my balcony so that it was looking just lovely.  So when I woke up the next day to find the balcony covered in dead leaves again I was not impressed.  The source of this balcony litter?  Next door's plants.  Grrr.  They tower over the wall that separates our respective balconies and drop their leaves all over the floor.  Immensely frustrating.  My plants don't inflict themselves on my neighbours so why are my neighbour's plants inflicting themselves on me!  If they're not careful I'll have to set the parsley on them.  Get it to peer over the wall and give them parsley style evils.  Don't mess with the parsley.  Grrr.  At the moment my lemon tree might be just a few feet tall, if that, but one day he'll grow to be two meters high and then I can use my plants to defend the balcony.  Though knowing my luck the neighbour's plants will continue to shed their leaves and my lemon tree will shed lemons over the wall and into an awaiting bowl.  I'll get the neighbours tree trash and they'll get free lemons.  Doh!  

27 November 2010

David Beckham Fever

It's David Beckham fever over here in Australia at the moment.  His team will be playing in Sydney tonight and his arrival has been heralded by a mass of media coverage.  I'm not sure I've seen anything like it.  One television show was showing constant live footage at the airport just waiting for his arrival.  No one seems that fussed about the football though, it's all about David Beckham.  One person who will be particularly excited today is Mystical Roo.  As a huge football fan, David Beckham is one of his all time heroes and so Mystical Roo jumped at the chance to go and watch him play.  Even if it is for LA Galaxy.  I'm glad Mystical Roo will be able to go and enjoy a football match on Saturday night.  He confessed to me that he's not an average football fan.  He is a kind of fanatic.  So moving to Australia, football has been a sacrifice for him as the coverage here is nothing like what he was used to in England.  The opportunity to watch a live match and see his hero in action is a big thing.  So Mystical Roo will be off to Sydney with Monster Noggin, Treacle and Bob-A-Roony.  The men of the family are surely interested in the football but I think Monster Noggin might have ulterior motives for going along.  Something to do with a certain Mr Beckham in shorts I think.  I declined an invitation to join the group as I'm not too bothered about football and am more excited about spending the money on a lemon tree instead!  But as a pom living in Australia I'd like to offer a Little Stalky welcome to David Beckham.  Good luck in the game tonight.  And Mr Beckham, if you see Mystical Roo, please could you sign a shirt for him?  Thank you.   

26 November 2010

The Pigeon Brings in Reinforcements!

You may have recently read that I'm being stalked by a pigeon called Will.  Well, now there's been a development in the situation.  Will has mates!  The pigeon has brought in backup in the form of feathered friends.  I first noticed this when Mystical Roo and I were having dinner on the balcony.  I looked across to the building opposite us and narrowed my eyes at Will who was in his normal spot, staring down into the balcony.  I remarked to Mystical Roo that the pigeon was back, eyeing up our BBQ, watching the plants, staring at Stalky.  But then I realised he wasn't alone.  There were two pigeons.  Will had obviously cloned himself in a bid to create the ultimate pigeon army.  Or built a pigeon robot in his own image; the ultimate pigeon power machine.  Or made a stuffed pigeon style effigy to give the illusion of additional pigeon activity.  Or, it might have just been another pigeon.  But I fear the explanation is not so innocent.  But worse than the second pigeon?  The robot/clone/effigy pigeon?  The black crow.  Just writing about him sends a shiver down my spine.  That black crow has had it in for me the first time we met.  He is truly a terrifying creature, possibly sent from the bowels of Hell with the sole purpose of tormenting human kind.  This black crow isn't just any black crow.  He's a huge black crow.  With feathers so black they're darker than midnight.  And a beak sharp and pointy he could go all Zorro on your ass and carve an ominous C into the curtains.  And to be honest he might not even be a crow.  He might be a raven.  But I don't have a bird book so I can't be sure.  All I know is that when he laughs the rest of the world goes silent and I get goosebumps up my arm.  He lurks on the balcony, casting an eerie shadow across the floor but when I go to confront him, he's never there.  This bird means business.  And the pigeon has brought in the big guns.  So what can this pigeon be planning?  The three of them were watching from the vantage point on top of the building opposite.  The crow was sat on the highest point in the middle of the building with a pigeon on either side.  If that building was an Olympic podium the crow would have gold, Will silver and the doppelganger bronze.  With the formation as it was I had to wonder if Will had been overthrown as leader with the crow appearing to take on the dominant position.  I gasped in shock when I realised all three of them were watching us and looked uneasily over to Mystical Roo who seemed unaware of the threat against us.  When I looked back they'd moved.  A subtle formation change but a change nonetheless.  This time Will was back on top and the crow had taken silver.  What games were they playing?  I didn't see them move.  I had to finish my meal with one eye on the birds and one on my burger.  A strange look indeed.  The next morning Will was back in his usual spot but his "friends" were nowhere to be seen.  I wondered whether they'd quarrelled, fighting amongst themselves until Will once again established his superiority.  Maybe I'd been hallucinating or confusing dreams with reality.  Or maybe it was all a ruse to put me on edge.  Maybe it's not even Will up there!  Maybe the doppelganger got out of control and has stolen Will's identity.  Will or not, the pigeon continues to watch me.  And I continue to watch my back.

25 November 2010

The House Inspection

One of the things that come with living in rented accommodation is the inspection.  The time when an estate agent type person turns up to come and check out your digs and make sure you haven't trashed the place.  Now I understand the importance of this but it doesn't mean I like it.  It sends me into a super Stalky spin.  I'm very house proud, but the idea of someone poking around the place I call home makes me very uncomfortable.  I feel like I'm being judged!  Not just on general upkeep but choice of furnishings.  Does my house smell nice?  And I'm sure the estate agent type person really doesn't care about these kinds of things but I do.  Getting the letter advising an inspection is due sends me into a kind of frenzy.  I have to have a cleaning schedule.  And the cleaning schedule has to work around my shifts.  So Monday was the day of the BIG clean, Tuesday I was at work and Wednesday was the day of the inspection.  So after the BIG clean on Monday Mystical Roo was under strict instructions to not make any kind of mess in the time before the inspection.  Mystical Roo pointed out that we did have to continue living in the time before the inspection but I was having none of it.  I was up again early on Wednesday just to complete the finishing touches.  Hoover again.  Mop again.  If I'd been thinking about it I should have been doing some baking to give the flat a homely kind of smell.  Too much?  Probably.  The inspection was yesterday and all was well.  I was complimented on the upkeep of the property and my plants got a nod of approval.  Well done plants!  So now I can relax again.  Until next time!

24 November 2010

The Christmas Party

Last night Mystical Roo and I hit my work Christmas party.  November might seem a little early to be having a Christmas party but it's the only time we can fit it in before things get crazy at the holiday park.  So there's nibbles, drinkies, general merriment and most importantly the theme!  The parties are always themed and everyone is asked to come in costume.  Of course not everyone comes in costume but I love dressing up and jumped at the opportunity to raid the costume box!  Mystical Roo and I both wanted to make use of items we already had and with the theme of the party "Dead Famous" we were both stroking our beards in thought.  In the end, with a star wars robe and a medieval style dress we decided Mystical Roo would go as Jesus and I would go as Anne Boleyn.  Excellent.  And we wouldn't tell any of my colleagues our plans.  It would be a surprise.  Excellent.  So on the day of the party Mystical Roo is wearing his robes and his sandals and already has a beard.  I have on my dress and in the absence of a French hood, I snaffle myself a crown.  I also found some beads and created myself and Anne Boleyn style necklace, complete with a hanging B.  Ammy kindly collected us and we only raised a few eyebrows getting into the car.  I'm always nervous before arriving anywhere in costume.  There's always that niggling doubt in the back of your head.  What if no one else is dressed up?  What if I got it wrong?  We arrived back at the holiday park and were greeted by Audrey Hepburn and Pocahontas so I breathed a sigh of relief.  This is always the best part of a costume party - being relieved that yes it is actually a costume party and then checking out everyone's outfits.  There was all manner of dead famous folk from Freddie Mercury to Ned Kelly, Cleopatra to Marilyn Monroe.  It was great to see everyone looking the part.  My dress received a number of oohs and ahhs as I explained Bear Z had made it for me more than ten years previously.  Then the attention was steered to Mystical Roo and everyone guessed correctly that he was Jesus.  Then the attention returned to me and I could see the confusion in various pairs of eyes.  I had expected this.  My costume did not scream Anne Boleyn and it wasn't the most obvious choice.  I knew I would have to tell pretty much everyone who I was.  What I didn't expect was for the majority of people to continue to stare blankly at me.  I'm Anne Boleyn.  Who?  No, this I had not expected.  Anne Boleyn.  Second wife of King Henry the Eight.  Beheaded.  Arguably the most famous of his wives.  This then resulted in an even more confuddling, King Henry the who?  Gah!  I hadn't even considered that my Australian buddies wouldn't know who Anne Boleyn was.  I had just assumed everyone knew.  But then why would they?  It's English history after all.  The worst thing was that they made us all stand up in groups, the men, the women and the kids, and announce to everyone who we were so that the crowd could whoop and cheer.  The character with the most whooping and cheering would win.  So when the microphone came to me I had to sheepishly tell everyone I was Anne Boleyn and wait as there was a confused pause followed by a smattering of clapping.  Mystical Roo, on the other hand, happily announced he was Jesus before blessing the crowd.  I always thought he had a kind of God complex.  I still enjoyed my night though, even if no one knew who I was and I felt very, very English.  Ammy collected us a few hours later and I returned home with a box of chocolates and some Tupperware.   

23 November 2010

Little Stalky gets a Library Bag

I am now the proud owner of my very own library bag.  An official book carrying carrier.  A literature moving device.  A novel, novel mover.  And I'm excessively excited.  I feel like a proper library goer now and whether that brands me as a geek - not for the first time in my life - I don't care.  My library bag is functional and makes a statement.  I go to the library.  I have books in my bag.  I love to read!  Whoop whoop!  It's actually a very handy thing to own as previously I carried my books in my arms like some stereotype from a high school (doesn't anyone own a rucksack!)  I guess that's no great hardship but I'm picking up more and more books and subsequently returning more and more books.  And if Mystical Roo needs books returning or replenishing then it just adds to my stock.  A library bag is a much more practical way to transport the books.  And I know I could just use a plastic bag, a rucksack, a wheelbarrow, a donkey, even a couple of swallows, but the official library bag is so much cooler.  A statement perhaps in itself a contradiction but then that depends on your perception of cool.  And to me cool is a polar bear, chilling with a penguin.  And library bags.  I've honestly had my eye on that library bag for as long as I can remember and every time I went to get my books I'd check my purse for change but find it empty.  You'd think I'd remember to raid the change pot before leaving for my trip to the library but my memory is...not the best.  I'm easily distracted.  By things like squirrels.  And recently wicker picnic baskets, which incidentally almost led to a lost Stalky moment at the markets.  Oh yeah, and I tend to go off on a tangent.  So!  Back to the original point.  The library bag.  Yesterday's trip to the library had me checking in my purse only to remember that I had indeed raided the change jar!  It was full of 20c pieces.  How excellent.  But enough 20c pieces?  I had to do the maths.  And ten minutes later I confirmed that I did indeed have enough change to purchase my very own library bag.  Excellent.  So I got my books, enquired after the book that some bad library goer has apparently stolen and then whispered - because you have to be quiet in the library - whether I could please buy a library bag.  Why, of course I could!  The librarian counted my change and not only gave me my bag but put my books in my bag for me.  Yay!  Now I feel the urge to speed read just so that I can use my bag again.  And Mystical Roo will say, but Stalky, you can use your bag for other things.  And I'll shake my head solemnly.  No, Mystical Roo.  The library bag is for library use only.  It shall only hold books.  Library specific books to be precise.  I'm so proud of my bag.  I'm happy my money has gone to the library and that I can claim to be a friend of the library.  I wonder if the library considers me a friend.  Is friendship always reciprocal?  Oh look, there's that tangent again.  Anyway, you get the gist of things.  Little Stalky loves her library bag.   

22 November 2010

Redbacks Beware, There's a Stalky Out There!

In Australia, one of the things you're aware of is the potential danger of snakes and spiders.  I must confess it's nowhere near as bad as I imagined; I've never seen a snake and see less spiders than I did in England.  But it doesn't make me any less wary of tall grass and dark corners, home not just to snakes and spiders but also the land dwelling shark.  So when one of my colleagues came across a Redback when reaching for a brochure there was much eeking and oohing from the office.  The Redback was squished but it was noted that it was a close call.  Although the Redback wouldn't actively go seeking a hand to nibble on, if it felt threatened it would have gone in for the kill!  It was then decided that we should fumigate the little alcoves under the desks and make sure there were no other Redbacks lurking.  A cunning plan, if not a little excessive.  Brave - ha ha - or stupid Little Stalky that I am, I offered to clear the alcoves of their literature so that they were ready for the arrival of pest control.  A good idea, my boss conceded, but not without protection.  Ah yes, just in case the Redback had friends.  So I was given an over sized pair of yellow leather gloves.  That would do the trick.  Ain't no spider getting through them!  But then another colleague suggested going in with flyspray too.  Just in case.  If a Redback lurked within then we'd choke it out of there.  So then I was armed with oversized yellow gloves and a large bottle of fly spray.  Oh, and whilst I was at it, I needed a dish cloth too, you know, just to wipe about a bit.  Right.  Over sized yellow gloves, fly spray, dish cloth and all this whilst wearing my uniform.  What would the customers think.  Not much I imagine as I was hunkered down on the floor out of sight.  I think I effectively managed to draw a questioning raised eyebrow from one guest when I popped up from behind the desk like a meerkat.  Why, I didn't see you down there.  No, I'm hunting Redbacks.  Excellent.  It's very hard to maintain an element of ladylike dignity when crouching down and delving into alcoves.  I became aware, at one point, of someone standing behind me.  The park owner; an amused smile on his face.  What are you girls doing.  We're Redback hunting!  Redback hunting, I tell you!  I think I would have better explained myself had I been wearing safari gear and a little hat.  Maybe holding a rifle.  Or a pokey stick!  Regardless of what everyone else thought I went through every alcove and performed my own kind of fumigation.  I found a few dead spiders, of the non deadly variety, but there were no more Redbacks.  They'd obviously already heard of the Little Stalky Spider Hunter in the vicinity and made tracks.  Redbacks beware, there's a Stalky out there!  And she's armed with yellow, leather gloves and fly spray.  And a dishcloth!   

21 November 2010

Mystical Roo to the Rescue!

As I've said before, when it rains in this country, it really bloody rains!  I woke up in the middle of the night to hear the rain literally pounding our flat.  There's a tin roof somewhere and all I could hear was huge drops of water rattling against the metal and creating what can only be described as a huge racket.  It woke up both Mystical Roo and I and then I couldn't get back to sleep because I was worrying about my plants!  I had images of them being knocked over in the wind and squished under ridiculously heavy droplets of rain.  My poor plants.  But no, I didn't get out of bed to go and check on them.  It was dark.  And wet.  And if I got up every time something worried me then I'd never get any sleep at all.  Little Stalkys are not the most chilled out of folk.  So I was finally able to doze off and when my alarm went off the next morning the first thing I had to do was check on my babies! Ahem, I mean my plants.  I hurried into the lounge and looked out to see that the balcony had once again become a kind of swimming pool.  A lake.  An ocean of rainwater.  A big bloody puddle!  It always happens.  The wind knocks down leaves, leaves get stuck in the drain, the drain gets blocked and the balcony fills with water.  And I know what you're thinking.  My God, Little Stalky, what happened to your babies!  What happened to the plants!  Well actually they were fine.  Happy as ever.  I guess they can handle more of the weather than I thought, though I am careful to keep them out of the wind.  The thing that did have me concerned was the fact that they were surrounded by about an inch of water.  Although the plants like water, I'm sure they don't like siting in it.  I didn't want to drown them.  I had to save my babies!  The trouble was, my wellington boots - leopard print by the way - were actually outside and immersed in water.  Why were the leopard print wellies outside?  Because I'm very forgetful and have never brought them back inside after leaving them out there to dry.  So, what does one do when they have no wellies in which to wade?  They head over to the shoe cupboard and stand frowning at the flip flops and high heels, which are highly inappropriate.  Then sigh.  Then frown some more.  Then sigh again.  I forgot to mention that all of this is done in direct sight of Mystical Roo, who is innocently brushing his teeth.  The result?  Mystical Roo heroically offers to rescue the plants.  Manipulative?  Moi?  Not at all.  It hardly ever works as Mystical Roo is hardened to my damsel in distress routine.  But I think Mystical Roo wanted to save the babies too!  He couldn't let them sit there in the flood.  It was just wrong.  So Mystical Roo grabbed his shoes.  His work boots?  No.  His trainers?  No.  His wellies?  He doesn't own any.  No, Mystical Roo grabbed his sandals, rolled up his pajama bottoms and went wading out into the flood.  It was from the flood he announced to me that it was somewhat cold.  Yes, I imagine it would be.  Poor Mystical Roo.  The things he does for me.  And you'll remember this is not the first time Mystical Roo has been out in the flood.  He's heroic like that.  He was right in there, pulling mud and leaves from the drain before retrieving each plant and moving them to the safety of the table.  Out of the wind, out of the rain and out of the flood.  He gently carried each one to safety without thought for his own cold, wet feet.  I could tell the plants were grateful.  The water around his feet started to flow towards the drain but Mystical Roo had to remove another several handfuls of muck before the balcony started to clear.  It seems to me that we need better drainage but there's not a lot we can do about rogue leaves.  Mystical Roo returned to the lounge and I thanked him for his heroic efforts on behalf of me, the babies and the world.  The balcony has now completely dried out and my plants are happily chilling on the table, safe from harm once more.  Mystical Roo saves the day again!

20 November 2010

Growing Old Gracefully

I'm not going to say that I'm happy about the idea of wrinkles but I've decided that wrinkles have got to be better than the freaky "stretched" look that I keep seeing all over the television at the moment.  It's unnerving to watch women with perfectly smooth foreheads who appear to be unable to move their faces properly.  The eyebrows are a strange shape and too high, resulting in a permanently surprised expression.  It's very odd.  And one of these scary looking ladies is pushing a "wonder" foundation.  Something that covers up spots is great but the scary lady is telling us to cover our freckles too and everything that makes us slightly different from the person stood next to us.  I didn't realise freckles were a horrendous blemish that one was required to cover up lest they be labelled ugly.  I have freckles.  I like my freckles.  I don't want to cover them up.  Who is dictating that we must all have flawless skin, tight foreheads, button noses and full lips.  It's crazy.  We'll all just end up looking the same.  I might change my mind later on in life but for the time being I'm opting for growing old gracefully. 

19 November 2010

Twitchy Eye of Doom

I've been experiencing the twitchy eye a lot of recent.  I used to have twitchy eye all the time in my previous job in England but I haven't suffered from it as much in Australia until just lately.  I've never really been sure what actually causes the twitchy eye; whether it's stress related, fatigue related or simply a random twitch.  All I know is that it's very annoying and possibly makes me look like a fruit loop.  I think it knows that I'm writing about it because right now the twitch has gone into overload!  Stop twitching, eye.  I suppose it's better that it's twitching in the privacy of my own home rather than out in public or at work or something.  I wouldn't want anyone to think a) that I was crazy and possibly plotting to kill them or b) that I was winking at them.  We all know how much trouble a rogue wink can cause!  I'm sure a lot of us experience the odd eye twitch once in a while.  I've seen Mystical Roo's eye do it and I've heard colleagues complain of similar problems.  I guess it's something beyond my control so for the time being I'll have to put up with the eye twitch and hope it doesn't hang around too long. 

18 November 2010

Jingles: Harmless Advertising or Mind Control?

I don't know what it is about the jingles over here but they're the most ridiculously catchy things in the world.  And not in a good way!  I just have to watch an advert on TV or hear one on the radio and the damned jingle is in my head all day.  Worse than that is the fact that I actually start humming, or every more horrifying, singing the tune!  That's just not cool.  And what's even worse than singing the tune for a jingle?  Dancing along to it at the same time.  And whats even worse than singing the tune for a jingle, whilst dancing along to it at the same time?  Doing it in the middle of Woolworths.  Oh the shame.  They play that Woolworths jingle all the time.  The dreaded "Fresh Food People" tune that is on the TV, on the radio, in the supermarket and in your head!  So when it comes on over the speakers whilst we're doing the shop it compels me to sing and dance.  Neither of which I do well.  But I'm not the only one.  Monster Noggin does it too.  I've seen her!  Together we must be the most enthusiastic Woolworths shoppers in the world.  Not only are we buying their stock, we're getting our groove on to the official Woolworths jingle.  What does that say about us?  That we need to get out more!  Or maybe the Woolworths jingle is just really good.  Or...Woolworths is operating some kind of mind control system via their in store sound system.  Simple jingle or complex subliminal messaging that results in shoppers experiencing a sudden craving for cheese?  Perhaps Monster Noggin and I are super sensitive to this kind of mind control and rather than reaching for the cheese we launch into a song and dance.  Could we have been subject to some kind of hypnosis?  Does just the sound of this jingle trigger something in us that has to sing and dance?  Or are we just the happiest shoppers in the world!  And why does Mystical Roo never sing or dance?  Too many questions.  I shall stroke my imaginary beard and ponder these thoughts.  We're due a shop soon so I'll have to test some theories and note how the other shoppers react to the jingle.  Take note of how many head towards the cheese.  Be aware of anyone bopping a foot.  I'll get to the truth behind the jingle and find out who the fresh food people really are! 

17 November 2010

The Pigeon

Following some heavy rain during the night, the first thing I did the next morning was check on the plants.  They all seemed happy enough, though the parsley did lose a limb.  I felt quite sad for my parsley, but honestly, he seemed happy enough.  I made sure to have a chat with each of them, asking after their needs and was about to head back inside when I noticed something from the corner of my eye.  The pigeon.  Will the pigeon, to be precise.  This pigeon may well be some sort of stalker.  I'm not sure if birds are creatures of habit, if they hang out in the same tree every night or if they like to mix things up a bit, but this pigeon is definitely a creature of habit.  He's there every single day!  Sat on the corner of the roof on the building opposite mine.  Always the same spot, always the same position.  Always watching.  The pigeon is always there.  I'm not sure when I first became aware of Will the pigeon and his roof sitting antics, but it's been a while now.  It must have been a reasonable amount of time for me to have named him Will!  He was there on the weekend, he was there yesterday and he was still there this morning.  I remember saying to Mystical Roo whilst we were having lunch, there's that pigeon again.  Mystical Roo confirmed that he too could see the pigeon so at least that confirmed I wasn't having pigeon hallucinations.  I can't understand why this pigeon does nothing more than sit and stare down into the balcony.  I considered that it might not be a pigeon at all, but an unidentified item in pigeon shape or perhaps even a pigeon inspired weather vane.  But I've seen him move.  I've seen him ruffle his feathers and clean his wings.  He's a real pigeon alright.  So what are this pigeon's motives?  Or rather, who is he working for?  We can now only assume that he is some sort of spy pigeon.  But for whom is he spying.  Is he a good spy or a bad spy.  Is he the James Bond of the pigeon world?  Or the Blofeld?  Does that pigeon have a white fluffy cat and a swivel chair?  Is this pigeon bent on world domination?  It's a possibility that cannot be ruled out.  So the pigeon continues to watch me, but I'm watching it right back.  Who knows how this situation will develop?  All I know is that when I go to check on the plants, I'll be watching my back. 

16 November 2010

The First Dip of the Season

I took my first official "dip" of the season on Sunday and braved the sea.  It was a glorious day on Sunday with the sun beating down and clear blue skies.  But my God the ocean was bloody freezing!  We're still getting currents coming up from the South when really what we want is currents from the North and for that reason the temperature is only about 19 degrees.  Truly a shock to the system.  We sat on the sand for a matter of minutes before we decided it was time to cool down, but as soon as my toes hit the water I knew it was going to be an icy experience.  But I was determined to get that first swim under my belt and welcome the warmer weather by immersing myself in the sea.  I must confess that I squealed like a girl when that first wave hit my legs, forcing me up to my waist in chilly water.  I know it's best to just get straight in there but I just don't have the courage to take the plunge.  So instead, I hopped about in the surf, willing my body to adjust to the temperature.  But it never did.  It just went kind of numb and I'm pretty sure that's not a good thing.  Still, I stayed out in the water long after Mystical Roo and Monster Noggin had returned to the sand as I was determined to actually get my head under the water.  So there was much wave jumping before one actually knocked me off my feet.  After that I went for a bit of bobbing on my back before attempting a bit of random swimming in waist deep water.  This is a strange thing to do when there are small children stood next to you casting questioning gazes as if to ask, why is that fully grown woman doing doggy paddle when she could just stand up.  It's a good question kids but Little Stalky isn't the most logical of beings.  I don't like going out too far as the currents are strong and I could feel the water pulling towards the rocks.  There's no way I'm going past waist deep.  No way.  After bobbing and doggy paddling for a while, with pretty much no feeling in my legs, I finally worked up the courage to dunk my head.  Actually, with a wave approaching I decided to dive through it.  It was like being slapped in the face with a big wet and icy cold hand.  Strangely refreshing though and when I resurfaced I felt rather alert.  I suppose cold water will do that for you.  Having completed my mission I then relented and returned to the warmth of the sand.  It took a little while for the feeling to return to my legs and they were tingly for a while.  It was nice to have my first dip of the season but I think it might be a few more weeks before I can fully appreciate the ocean.  So we didn't go back in that day.  Instead I spent a while burying Mystical Roo's hands in the sand before creating sand shaped claws and talons.  Then lunch started calling and we retired to the balcony for drinks and nibbles.  There we could appreciate the ocean and all it's beauty without actually having to get wet. 

15 November 2010

Little Stalky's Green Fingers


Left to Right - Thyme, Chilli Pepper, Mini Tomato,
Mini Tomato, Parsley and Rosemary

I'm very excited to be starting a mini garden on my balcony.  Mystical Roo and I are now proud owners of thyme, rosemary, a chilli pepper plant, two mini tomato plants and parsley.  So exciting!  I love the idea of being able to grow my own produce and in the absence of an actual garden at this time, I figured pots on the balcony was a cool idea.  And I've done my research, determined to try and not kill anything.  So I brought my little herb dudes home, talking to them in the car and have moved them into their new pots, which are now lined proudly on the balcony.  As per instructions from Rabby I have left the Parsley be.  Apparently it doesn't cope too well with being repotted and in protest will often die so he's staying in his original pot.  Who knew that Parsley was so dramatic!  Now I'll be waiting with excitement to see what I can actually grow.  I've been talking to my little herb dudes and offering them encouragement and love.  I even offered to sing to them but Mystical Roo politely informed me that this would not be a good idea.  Perhaps I shall hum to them instead.  So after getting green fingers I've now got my eye on a lemon tree.  We're on a budget though so that might have to wait until next pay day.  But the idea of growing my own lemons is also very exciting!  Be patient Little Stalky.  The lemon tree will come.  In the meantime I have little herb dudes to take care of.  I'll keep you posted, readers, and let you know how I get on.  Wish me luck!

14 November 2010

The Rogue Sweet

I like to consider myself something of a sweet connoisseur.  I can tell you the best colour fruit gums to eat, advise which items to avoid if you have false teeth and can sniff out - and turf out - aniseed monstrosities.  So when eating a bag of Haribo Starmix I know what to expect.  I've been eating Starmix for a long time.  You've got your standard cola bottles, fried eggs, gummi bears and those little heart things with the white foam back.  Do you know what you don't get in Starmix?  You don't get milk bottles.  No you don't.  Milk bottles are in the Super Kiddie Mix.  Not the Starmix.  I know this because I'm not a fan of milk bottles and tend to leave them for Mystical Roo.  In fact Mystical Roo had just finished a stash that I'd put in the fridge for him.  Oh, Mystical Roo, I know how much you love milk bottles so I saved them for you.  He knows the truth.  When it comes to sweets I'm just not that generous.  And some would argue the same is true of me when it comes to cupcakes.  But the cupcake incident has yet to be agreed upon.  Anyway, milk bottles.  They do not appear in Starmix.  So whilst munching on Starmix and seeing a milk bottle I was surprised and perturbed.  How did that damned sneaky milk bottle get in there.  That could have been a lovely cola bottle but no, it's a sneaky milk bottle.  Then, on closer inspection I realised that the milk bottle was not a milk bottle.  Not in the traditional sense anyway.  It was larger than normal and yellowish in colour.  I examined the rogue sweet and determined that it also had lines where a standard milk bottle is smooth.  Highly suspicious.  What next?  I sniffed it.  Yes, I got a good whiff of that rogue sweet and decided it had a slight air of banana about it.  Banana?  In Haribo?  Why I was intrigued.  It seemed this strange banana smelling, milk bottle impersonating sweet had somehow managed to infiltrate a bag of Starmix.  There were no other sweets like it.  Just the one.  How very odd.  I wondered whether it had tumbled in there by mistake or whether it was planted.  Could the rogue sweet belong to a rival company and the sweet was acting as a spy?  Was the rogue sweet a test product that escaped the lab?  Is there some sort of competition on where if you find a banana smelling, milk bottle shaped sweet that you win a prize?  Some bananas perhaps.  Or some milk.  Or banana flavoured milk.  Or a car.  But I guess I'll never know.  Because I ate it.  Yes, I ate the sweet.  And it did taste something like banana.  A milky banana.  And I didn't like it.  But I ate it anyway.  As a sweet connoisseur you must test new flavours.  And that was a flavour I didn't like.  So I'll now have to wait and see if this sweet has any adverse effects.  I'll keep you posted!

13 November 2010

It's Getting Hot!

Oh it's getting to that time of year where things are really hotting up.  So much so that I have to do the housework very early in the morning, very late at night or not at all.  It gets to the point where it's simply too hot to be lugging the hoover around and ironing is a definite no no, unless you want to melt where you stand.  We're now at the stage where the balcony door is open right the way into the evening, the blinds are drawn and the fan is on at night.  But I'm not complaining.  I love the heat.  Little Stalky was definitely made for warmer climates than the country she was born in.  I love that I wake up to sunshine and the sound of birds singing.  I love that my washing will dry in a matter of hours!  It's all about the housework with me, isn't it.  Honestly, you'd think I didn't do anything else.  I feel very privileged to live in such a beautiful part of the world.  I can see the ocean from my balcony and enjoy a climate where I can have breakfast, lunch and dinner outside if I want to.  I'm stumbling distance from a beach that never gets crowded.  We have access to the mountains, the rain forests and rolling countryside whilst being close enough to Sydney that if we fancy a day in the city it's just an hours drive away.  What a lucky Stalky I am.

12 November 2010

Little Stalky and the Potential Cold of Doom

Well, I can feel a cold coming on and really hope it doesn't develop into anything.  These things, for me, always start with a scratchy sore throat, so when I woke up last night with just that, I was not happy.  When I woke up again in the morning and the scratchy sore throat was still there, I was even less happy.  We all know that Little Stalkys don't like being ill and demand a lot of attention and looking after from Mystical Roos, who are already tired from much hard work.  There's also something about being ill in the Australian heat, which seems a bit odd.  I always associate feeling rough with being tucked up on the sofa with rain beating down outside.  When it's so hot that I have all the doors and windows open, curling up on the sofa is not what I want to do.  Actually the vast blue ocean is looking rather appealing right now but I'm not sure my body would appreciate it.  I know I'm moaning via my blog, but readers you're doing Mystical Roo a service.  The more I moan here, the less I moan to him.  I'm trying to work out whether it's better to be ill on your day off or on the day you're meant to work.  It sucks having your day off spoilt by being ill but at least you can just lay on the sofa.  Or not, as I've proved.  It takes a hell of a lot for me to call in sick as I just can't handle the guilt.  So on a work day I'll end up at work, feeling rough.  And that's not cool either.  The best thing this cold, or potential cold, can do, is bugger off.  Bugger off and find someone else to pester because I don't have time to be ill.  I really don't!  I think I'll have to go rooting around for those super cold tablets I got at the pharmacy.  Or maybe have a glass of wine.  I think I prefer the latter.  At the moment I'll settle for a cup of tea.  Maybe I'll wake up tomorrow and feel fine and dandy.  And maybe I won't.  Only time will tell.  

11 November 2010

Little Robotic Hoover Type Thing

I saw an advert the other day for a little robotic hoover type thing that scoots around the house, on it's own, cleaning the floors.  It's name escapes me so it can't have been that great an ad but I do remember the little robotic hoover type thing.  It was kind of cute and reminded me of this toy we had at school called PIP, which we could instruct to move forward, back, left and right.  In actual fact the technology was very basic and after pressing a multitude of buttons PIP would move forward an inch before retiring for the day.  But that was many years ago and technology has come a long way.  Proved by the fact that I'm now seeing adverts for a little robotic hoover type thing that will vacuum whilst you're out and about.  Sorry PIP, you've been outdone!  It seemed like quite a cool idea, to have a little robotic hoover type thing pottering around, knocking another chore off of the endless list of things to do.  And with my obsessive hoovering habits I'd have someone to share my passion.  Oh little robotic hoover type thing, you love hoovering just as much as I do!  How wonderful.  We have so much to discuss.  But then I wondered how much one could trust a little robotic hoover type thing.  After all, I've had run ins with technology in the past.  Let's not forget the hoover of doom at work!  So if the little robotic hoover type thing was in control of the carpet cleaning and was free to roam about the house, would it start taking liberties?  Would it become tyrannical?  Would it try to overthrow Little Stalky and Mystical Roo to become top of the hypothetical food chain!  And what would be the signs to watch out for?  The clues that the little robotic hoover type thing had gone over to the dark side?  Would the carpets be less clean?  No.  But I think things would start going missing.  That dollar coin that Mystical Roo dropped?  Sucked into the void.  A misbehaving sock?  Vanished!  The little robotic hoover type thing would want order and would punish anything that got in the way of a clean floor.  Flour on my carpet?  We'll see about that.  And the next thing you know the cupboards are empty as the little robotic hoover type thing attempts to remove any risk of spillage.  The next thing you know it will be in the bedroom, watching as you sleep.  Wondering whether it should allow you to walk over the carpets.  With your dirty feet.  Terrifying.  Even more terrifying is the fact that I can see some of these traits in my own hoovering!  Perhaps I'm susceptible to some kind of hoover mind control.  Or perhaps I'm my own version of a little robotic hoover type thing.  Maybe it's time for Little Stalky to step away from the hoover. 

10 November 2010

Little Stalky Jogs Home from Work

I decided to jog home from work for the first time in rather a long time and I was reminded of how very unfit I really am.  I have just terrible stamina and it only takes a few moments before I'm panting for breath.  The trouble is I forget to pace myself.  I launch straight into a full on run thinking how wonderful it is to be getting towards home at a faster pace, forgetting that by going into a full on run that I won't be able to sustain my speed.  Then it's not long before my chest is burning and I'm wondering whether I can just casually turn my run into a walk without looking like a goon.  I'm sure no one's paying attention to me as I run but I can't help but think I'll be judged for giving up on the run and turning back to walking.  So I try to slow it to a jog, then to a power walk and as my legs turn to jelly I only just manage to look like a sober person.  If I have to cross the road then I get an opportunity to stop.  Or rather to stop, look and listen.  Before walking across the road.  Never run across the road.  So this is a good excuse for me to slide back into a walk.  Walking across the road, walking across the road, oh look I'm on the other side and I'm still walking.  I was always walking and who are you to tell me otherwise!  Ha!  Foiled.  But it's not just my unhealthy nature that has me struggling with a jog but my trusty rucksack too.  I think it would actually help if the thing was heavier because that might stop it from swinging around so much.  Every step I took the bag would swing this way and then the other.  It nearly took me off balance a couple of times.  That would be great wouldn't it.  One foot in front of the other, left, right, left, right and oh God I've landed in a bush!  Thrust into the foliage by an over enthusiastic rucksack.  Other pavement users have to give me a wide berth lest they be thwacked (another official term) in the face with the trusty rucksack.  I tried holding it in place but that just resulted in an awkward running technique as I like to move my arms.  So I had to put up with the swinging rucksack and focus extra attention to staying in a straight line.  Next time I'll have to fill it with rocks.  I was also foiled by my shoelace - the right one in fact - that always decides to come loose.  I double knot it and everything!  But it always comes undone and it's always the right trainer.  That could have led to all sorts of drama.  Walking with a shoelace undone is one thing but running with a shoelace undone?  I could have landed splat on my face.  Or in the bush again.  Or in a dustbin.  So when spying the shoelace I can't help but ponder if this calls for another slow down from the run.  Can I just stop and tie the shoe lace or do I have to go down the route of jogging, walking, stumbling and stopping.  I just stopped.  Another good excuse for a breather.  I met an abundance of fellow pavement users on the way home and that just makes things even trickier.  Fellow pavement users get in the way.  And it's not so much the ones coming towards you that are the problem because they can see you and get out of the way.  Well most of them do anyway.  It's the ones you're coming up behind that really prove to be problematic.  They're like obstacles intent on ruining your rhythm.  And it's like they don't even know you're there.  I mean, maybe the don't, but with my clomping feet staggering up combined with my panting and heavy breathing, you can't not hear me coming.  And to be honest if I heard someone clomping up behind me whilst breathing heavily, I'd be out of there!  Listening to my i-pod I can picture myself as a character from some computer game, running along and trying to avoid hitting anyone.  Move the joystick to the left, to the right.  Double click and I'll jump.  Bah!  So with so much energy focused on actually running, the etiquette of stopping running and controlling the trusty rucksack how am I supposed to cope with trying to dodge obstacles as well.  It's all too much for one afternoon.  Maybe if I put more energy into the actual exercise and less into over thinking the idea of exercise I might get better results.  But it certainly wouldn't be as much fun!

09 November 2010

A Furry Hooligan

Seagulls.  Or Stevens if you want to get technical.  White and grey feathered menaces to society!  Bloody Stevens.  Normally I don't get too much hassle from the seagulls.  They leave me alone, I leave them alone.  It's like a mutual understanding.  But not when I turn up on the park bench with chips.  Then everything goes out the window!  Mystical Roo and I were chilling in the park with our chips when the seagulls decided to start moving in.  They were circling us with greedy little eyes, whilst various birds intent on trying to be the alpha were squawking and giving the others evils.  And I'd be happy to give them a chip or two - honestly the large portion we ordered was far too much for the two of us - but you know it will just cause seagull mayhem.  It's not like they do much to encourage chip giving though.  It's not like they're ducks with a cute waddle and little quack.  Or moorhens with their cool I-eat-with-my-feet tactics.  And they can't use intimidation tactics like a pelican could.  If they just sat patiently and promised not to turn into a gaggle of lunatics then maybe I could give them some chip action.  But the seagulls have mob mentality and just go into a frenzy.  It's actually embarrassing to feed the seagulls because of the hysteria that ensues.  You can see others looking at you and tutting.  Feeding the seagulls.  How uncouth.  And I've been the tutter.  But only because I was quietly reading my book on my own and didn't appreciate someone throwing sandwiches in my direction.  Maybe they were trying to feed me - thought I looked scrawny and in need of nourishment - or maybe they were trying to get me to shuffle on, but still, throwing bread in my direction is going to provoke tuts when an army of seagulls launch towards my head.  Never cool.  So sitting with our chips we didn't feed the seagulls and watched as a foolish man at the next table up decided to throw some food out.  Those seagulls took off in a fleet and landed on that food like zombies starved of brains.  But they came straight back.  It's like they weren't going to be satisfied until they got their beaks on some chips.  And then they started getting cocky; actually jumping on the table and shuffling up towards the portion of chips.  Mystical Roo said some stern words and the seagulls took off but it wasn't long before they were back and getting even closer.  I then said some stern words but apparently I have no authority with the bloody seagulls as it just looked at me as if to say what are you gonna do about it before shuffling even closer.  That resulted in my standing up and pounding a fist on the table, which had the desired effect but also caused a few stares in my direction.  Always attracting attention for the wrong reasons.  Dag nabbit!  But still the seagulls returned and we were starting to feel out numbered.  I've seen reports of hard seagulls in England, stealing food from people's hands, offering a feathery headbutt if argued with.  Could Australian seagulls be just as loutish?  Are all seagulls in fact furry hooligans?  Am I about to get jumped by a seagull?  Well I wasn't about to hang around and find out.  If faced with hooligans I'd run away.  Should a furry hooligan be any different?  I think not.  So we hot tailed it out of there and left those seagulls chipless.  But they'll be back.  And so will I.  And my stick!

08 November 2010

Little Stalky and Mystical Roo go to the Market

On a lovely sunny Sunday, Mystical Roo and I decided to hit a nearby market to see what bargains we might be able to find.  I was specifically on the hunt for a desk, possibly even a chair to accompany said desk and Mystical Roo was assisting me with the hunt.  Unfortunately I think we got there a bit late as we found neither a desk, nor a chair, nor anything that looked remotely like any of the above.  The early bird gets the worm you see and with the markets opening at maybe 7am and us arriving at maybe 11am you can see how we might have missed out on the best things.  And we're normally early risers but a party at Monster Noggin's the night before, which included home made vodka, was not conducive to an early start.  But it was nice to have a wander round and see what was on offer.  As is the case, I imagine with markets all around the world, there's a lot of a junk to be had.  Objects so worn and unloved you can't imagine anyone else bothering to buy them.  Things that can only be identified as just that.  Things.  Things that are totally unidentifiable.  If they were flying things they'd be UFTs.  But there was nothing flying about.  Just sat on various tables or arranged on the floor.  So we pretty much ignored the car boot side of things.  I was drawn to the various herbs and plants that were on offer and stood debating whether I could grow herbs on my balcony.  I decided that after battling black spot and green fly on my roses and having a mint plant try to take over the world I should possibly do some research before purchasing anything.  Find out what survives well on a balcony in the Australian climate.  I'm hoping a for a lemon tree or a passion fruit tree.  But research first.  Buy later.  And avoid another tyrannical mint plant.  As well as the car booters, plant stands and various fruit and veg stalls there were also people selling ridiculously cheap Listerine mouthwash and washing powder.  I must say I eyed up that Listerine mouthwash, marvelling at the greatly reduced price before wondering how it could possibly be that cheap.  I had to wonder how it had got there in the first place and what tests it had possibly failed.  So I stepped away from the mouthwash and moved on.  It was an interesting little market that we'll have to try again when we're feeling a little more perky.  Maybe we'll get in early next time and who know what bargains we might find.  Little Stalky may yet get the desk!  

07 November 2010

The Bum Pinching Bird

There are so many differences between Australia and England and one we were discussing recently was the bird life.  Even after two years I'm still awed by the tropical birds that I see on a day to day basis.  Rainbow lorikeets, galahs, cockatoos, pelicans.  Colourful and vocal creatures that light up the sky.  I won't talk about the scary-ass raven who stalks me as that's another story and I think he's watching me now.  The most surreal thing I've seen was three red parrots in the middle of a lightning storm.  They were sat on top of a lamppost and seemed to be revelling in the pouring rain, washing themselves and ruffling their feathers.  With lightning illuminating a red sky they almost looked otherworldly.  That and the fact that I'd just got off a long haul flight from England and had awoken from a weird afternoon nap.  That probably made it even more bizarre.  But wonderful.  Now a bird that seems common to the Sydney area and pictured with today's post is what I've recently discovered is called a White Ibis.  They're quite large birds and have these really long black beaks.  Officially known as the White Ibis.  More commonly known - by me anyway - as the bum pinching birds.  Bum pinching birds!  I remember heading off to do an expo with Mystical Roo, Monster Noggin and Bob-A-Roony.  We arrived in Sydney early and so stopped outside the exhibition centre to get a coffee and some breakfast.  It was a glorious day so we sat outside, Monster Noggin and I on one side of a bench and Mystical Roo and Bob-A-Roony on the other side.  The bum pinching bird in question was very interested in our breakfast and was not shy about coming over to the table and patiently waiting for scraps.  But after it had taken it's share of whatever it was we'd been eating it then decided it wanted more.  And it wasn't going to take no for an answer.  It came right up to me and kind of nudged my leg.  I thought it was being cute!  But no.  It was going for the butt!  I turned my attention away for just a moment and the next thing I know the thing had nipped me on the butt with it's beak.  Well that's no way to get what you want.  Naughty bird.  But it was very persistent.  And actually quite large.  I was unsure of whether to shoo it away or just ignore it.  I don't think I actually held any authority with that bird and my shoos were ignored.  I think I might have asked Mystical Roo to defend my honour but I seem to remember him laughing.  Honestly!  But it wasn't just me the bum pinching bird was harassing.  After scuttling off he soon returned; this time to inflict his torment on Monster Noggin who got a bum pinching of her own.  This bird obviously had an eye for the ladies as he didn't go anywhere near Mystical Roo or Bob-A-Roony.  Bloody bum pinching bird.  So I guess the moral of this story is don't feed the bum pinching birds.

06 November 2010

Rogue Pens and Pink Stain Remover Bottles of Doom!

The things that come out of the washing machine after I've done Mystical Roo's laundry.  Honestly!  Money, pebbles, stones, string, plastic bags, rubber gloves, pens, coupons.  It's madness.  No wonder the last washing machine had a tantrum.  And by now I should know better.  Don't put anything of Mystical Roos in the wash without first checking the pockets.  But I have a thing about sticking my hand in pockets that aren't my own.  It freaks me out a little bit.  You never know what you might find.  Especially in this country.  A freakin' spider could have settled down for the night and I don't want to be the one to disturb it.  So when I did a wash the other day I absentmindedly chucked in a load and so didn't see the bloody pen that was in the pocket of a pair of Mystical Roo work trousers.  No I did not.  And to be honest I've had pens in there before and it's been fine.  But not this time.  Oh no.  This time that bloody pen decided to explode in the wash and leak ink over the contents.  And of course it couldn't have gone over Mystical Roo's resin covered, dirt covered, stone covered, I-look-dirty-even-when-I'm-clean work clothes.  No, it had to seek out other normal clothes.  My work shirt for example.  And on later inspection, my pink top.  And my other pink top.  And Mystical Roo's t-shirt.  I suppose I should be glad that more clothes weren't lost in this disaster but I wish it had never happened at all.  I've since tried to challenge the ink stains.  Take on their dastardly inkiness and attack them with all kinds of stain remover.  But to no avail.  I even went out and bought some new liquid stain remover stuff that I thought would do the job but I ended up arguing with the bottle and then had two battles on my hand.  I don't know who invents these things but it was nearly impossible for me to get the lid off of that bottle.  Are these things only invented for men or people with really big hands?  Because my little paws were having a huge struggle.  It was one of those lids where you have to squeeze and turn.  Squeeze.  And turn.  Simple?  Not so bloody simple.  I squeezed but nothing would turn.  I obviously wasn't squeezing hard enough but I was giving it my all and there's only so much squeezing a Little Stalky can do!  I figured it needed both of my hands to squeeze from either side.  But with both hands squeezing, how could I do any turning?  It was simply not possible.  Either I was to grow a third hand, find someone else with a third hand, or think of another option.  So, another option.  I ended up lugging the bottle onto the floor and wedged it between my knees.  I would hold the thing in place, squeeze with both hands and use my body to twist the lid off.  Well I know you're trying to visualise this in your head but let me tell you, it worked!  Victory for Little Stalky.  Little Stalky 1, pink plastic bottle of stain remover 0.  Bow down before my excellence!  Ahem.  And I know Mystical Roo could have taken the lid off with one hand, blindfolded, whilst taming a scorpion with the other hand.  Hell, he could probably do it with just the power of his mind, but for a Little Stalky home alone, I was proud of myself.  Even if I did get somewhat angry.  The disappointing thing was that even after I'd managed to win my battle with the stain remover I then went on to lose the battle against the ink.  After being soaked with stain remover, rubbed, left to soak and then put in a super wash it was still very much present.  I opened the lid of the washing machine with a hopeful little face and could do nothing but sadly hang my head as I realised my pink top was still marred by an ugly blue stain.  The thing you've got to ask yourself is why I've hung these items out to dry?!  Maybe I'm hopeful that the sun will somehow bleach away the stain but I guess that's unlikely.  Maybe I'll have to start a new trend of ink stained clothes.  Or maybe I'll have to bite the bullet and accept that some things need to move on to clothes heaven.  One thing's for sure, whether I like it or not I'll be checking all pockets from now on!  And if I find another rogue pen.  May God help us all. 

05 November 2010

Gunpowder, Treason and Plot!

Remember, remember, the 5th of November. Gunpowder, treason and plot!  Ah the 5th of November.  Guy Fawkes night.  Bonfire night.  Fireworks night.  It's not celebrated anymore here in Australia so it will pretty much pass us by  but it's always celebrated in England.  I remember when we were kids we used to have to make "the guy" at school who would then be burnt atop the bonfire in the village.  We had an old lock up and would take him down at lunchtime before returning that night to pull him out and march him to the fire.  We had burning torches and everything!  No wonder people think village folk are a bit weird.  And just to clarify, anyone who doesn't know what this is all about, "the guy" is just a stuffed model used to depict the traitor, Guy Fawkes.  We don't actually burn real people atop bonfires.  Not normally anyway.  I remember talking to an American online once who thought I was making the whole thing up.  You build a big bonfire and burn a guy named Guy Fawkes every year on the 5th of November?  Yes, it's true!  He tried to blow up Parliament.  Right.  I'm not sure if I ever did get my point across.  I used to love it when I was younger; watching the bonfire lit and waiting for the fireworks display, which was always good until the end where the old "fountain" never quite worked.  Every year we'd wait with anticipation to see if this year it would catch but it never did.  It was always dark and freezing cold but still we went.  So this year I will not be celebrating as I have nowhere to light a fire, no fireworks and think that all of the above would be frowned upon.  I wish a happy Guy Fawkes night to those who will be celebrating in England or anywhere else in the world. 

04 November 2010

What Colour is Your Car?

A small aspect of my job is to obtain the license plate number, colour and make of guests' vehicles as they check in.  We do this so that when a rogue car is found to be blocking in another three we can locate the owner and ever so politely ask them to shift it.  But you'd be surprised how hard a task this can be and I'm often met with blank stares and exasperated looks.  I understand that you might not know your licence plate number - I don't know mine - but you can't just make it up.  You do have to step outside and get it for me.  And you think that would be the head scratcher; trying to remember your licence plate number.  But it's not.  The biggest hurdle most people seem to trip up on is the colour of their vehicle.  The colour.  This continues to baffle me.  How hard is it to remember the colour of your car.  But people try to over complicate things.  The colour of my car?  Well, I suppose you'd say it was kind of a graphite colour.  No, more of a charcoal actually.  So your car is grey.  Next!  My car?  My car is a deep burgundy.  Your car is red.  Moving on!  Ummm, ummm, errr, well, ummmm, I guess it's a sort of champagne, I don't know... Let me stop you there.  Your car is gold.  Who kick started this craze of creating pretentious names to describe the colour of a car.  It's just madness.  And why do people feel they have to give me the accurate description of the car based on what the salesman told them.  I don't care.  I just want to know if it's black, silver, red, blue or whatever.  And if you have to be fussy then I guess you can insist it's dark red but I'm not having any of this deep burgundy nonsense.  Honestly!  I smile at people and watch as they think carefully about their car.  You can see the cogs turning as they try to remember the colour of their vehicle.  Some people park right in front of the office where I can blatantly see their car and whilst they're umming and errring over the colour I'm staring at the thing thinking it's black.  It's black!  It's bloody black!  But try to tell them that and they almost scoff at you.  It's not black.  It's midnight dahhrling.  Of course it is.  You have to humour these people.  Even though it's probably obvious from my typing that after a detailed description of the deep burgundy car that has been likened to a good Merlot I've just typed red.  R.E.D.  Red.  After a long day of check ins I get to the stage when I just dread asking the question.  And the colour and make of your vehicle please?  It makes me shudder.  I'm grateful when the next guest I come to confirms they came by train. 

03 November 2010

The Album Launch

The other night Mystical Roo, Monster Noggin and I went to an album launch for a local band called Penny and the Mystics.  I've heard them play at a few things and they're really good; particularly Penny who has a wonderful voice.  The album launch was at a pub in Jamberoo where the band were doing a live set.  The pub is old by Australian standards and had a great atmosphere but my God it was crowded in there!  I'm not great in crowds.  I think it comes from growing up in a village.  I like my space!  City folk have no spacial awareness.  The other problem I have with crowds is my height.  And I wasn't wearing heels that night so I was stuck at 5ft 4 and was being towered over by most of the crowd.  It makes seeing things rather tricky.  But then there are advantages to being a little person.  You can sneak in through gaps and weave your way through the crowds with relative ease.  But the crowds were all very friendly and there was a chilled out and jovial atmosphere that saw everyone looking out for each other and making sure no one got squished.  I put Mystical Roo on bar duty so that I didn't have to fight my way through to get served.  He's good like that.  It was great to see so many people had turned out to support the local band who, by the way, gave a great performance and had the crowd bopping and clapping.  Mystical Roo got himself a signed album, or rather Monster Noggin got herself a signed album and got one for Mystical Roo too.  That was cool.  So it was a good night of music and hanging out with friends.  It might have rained - bloody weather - but it felt like part of what living in Australia should be about.

02 November 2010

Mystical Roo the Pizza God

It's probably evident that I adore Mystical Roo but he's recently taken things to a new level by becoming a self confessed God of pizza.  Oh yes.  Mystical Roo is the pizza God!  The photo with this post is of one of his best creations to date.  And the best thing?  That whole pizza was just for me.  Just for Little Stalky.  And I ate the whole thing.  Yes I did.  Oh yes, the wine was mine too.  That Mystical Roo is rather nifty in the kitchen even if he does make a mess.  I came home from work once, excited that pizza was on the cards, but had to raise my eyebrow when I saw the flour footprints on the carpet.  Just a perfectly formed, Mystical Roo sized flour footprint.  I can forgive him that.  He was making me dinner after all.  And a very good dinner at that.  It turned out that night that Mystical Roo had made far too much pizza dough after a slight yeast miscalculation.  Mystical Roo informed me that you can't waste yeast and so he just added more flour.  Or something along those lines.  So with all this dough he'd actually filled every single container we owned.  The counter top was literally covered in trays and tins filled with dough, ready for their topping.  Even the yorkie dish had been used, where Mystical Roo had decided he would make mini pizzas!  It was quite a sight.  After that there was much pizza to be stored in the freezer, which quite frankly is excellent.  I have to wonder if Mystical Roo has any Italian blood in him, what with his wondrous pizza making skills.  I've already spread the word of his pizza genius and have promised El Kenco that Mystical Roo will be on pizza making duty when she comes to visit.  My goodness just looking at that picture makes me want pizza again!  It's simply pizza perfection!  
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