Static Stalky

After swiping the car the other day, I got myself into another Woolworths related adventure.  Never before has one girl had so much to say about doing the grocery shopping!  Pleased that I would not have to lug the shopping bags home, I was happily wandering around with my trolley, dodging the hordes of children swarming the aisles.  It's not often I do a big shop without Mystical Roo as he's the sensible one and is required to control my impulsive buying of rubbish.  "ooh it's got shiny packaging"  "No Stalky.  Bad Stalky."  Anyway, it's a bit boring shopping without Mystical Roo as I've got no one to talk to.  I know he doesn't really listen when I get the verbal diarrhoea but at least it looks like I'm talking to someone and not just to myself.  Speeding up my shop I began to struggle with trolley steerage (yes an official term).  It's tricky controlling those things sometimes, especially when you have to go round corners.  So if you ask if I rammed that kid on purpose?  Probably not.  But am I sorry?  See my previous answer.  Mwah ha ha.  No, I'm not that evil.  It was halfway through the shop that I realised I was statically charged.  Excellent.  Every item I went to pick from the shelf gave me a little zap and I looked like a crazy person because everything I touched caused me to jerk my hand back in surprise.  Then, after a few shocks, I started to really cautiously select items, thus looking even more bonkers.  Still statically charged I headed to the check out and realised I'd forgotten the tissues.  At least it wasn't the loo roll.  Again, shopping on your own you can't ask someone to hold your place in the queue or send Mystical Roo on errands for the items you've missed.  I decided to leave the tissues and get some later.  I then went to the bottle shop to get some wine for dinner.  Again, I normally guard the trolley while sensible Mystical Roo goes in to get the wine.  This time, on my billy, I had to go into the bottle shop with the trolley.  I was still statically charged.  I then was trying to reverse my trolley whilst holding the bottle of wine.  I didn't want to put it in the trolley for fear of looking like a shop lifter or something.  Then when I went to pay for the wine, still statically charged, I shocked the man behind the till and proceeded to jump whilst he looked at me blankly.  Apparently he hadn't felt the shock and so I just waffled on about being statically charged.  Hasty exit and the downward slope of the car park causes me issues because the trolley is trying to escape.  Then to the car, which has broken central locking, meaning I can't open the boot unless I unlock the drivers side door.  Ok, so there's no brake on the trolley to stop it from rolling down the hill, no Mystical Roo to hold the trolley and the gap between my car and the car next to me is too small to be able to squeeze the trolley into.  Bugger.  I actually stood mumbling to myself for a while, wondering what to do next.  In the end I entered into a fabulous trolley balancing routine that involved me holding the trolley with one hand whilst stretching to unlock the door with the other hand.  Success!  I return the trolley to it's home, still statically charged and proceed to be shocked by the door of the car.  Me and my shopping drive home and I wonder if I should be allowed out of the house on my own.  Who knows what will happen on my next Woolworths adventure!