Little Stalky and Co Become Audience Members

So I mentioned that me and the gang were due to be audience members as part of Australian Top Gear and I bet you’re all keen to find out what happened.   Were there any land dwelling sharks?  Did they let Monster Noggin in?  Is Australian Top Gear as good without Clarkson?  No, Yes and no.  It was a cold night (we’re having weird May winds) when the four of us headed towards Sydney to participate as audience members.  That would be Monster Noggin, Mystical Roo and I, plus a friend who at this point doesn’t have a funky alias.  We shall call him Mr Mechanic.  It sounds jovial.  We turned up at dinner time, which meant we were all hungry.  Luckily some entrepreneurial folk had realised there would be hundreds of hungry people lurking around and so had set up a burger stand.  Nice.   We handed over our tickets and had our arms stamped with the Top Gear logo; proof that we were genuine audience members and not randomers off the street.  I think this is where the land dwelling shark got thwarted.  He didn’t have a stamp.  Get back to your letter box shark boy!  Any hoo, the set was exactly how it looks on TV.  Funny that.  We filmed for several hours, though most of this – as expected – involved us standing around whilst pieces of the set got moved, cars got shifted and presenters sorted themselves out.  We clapped on cue, we laughed on cue and even gasped in “surprise” as an engine was dropped from a height.  Of course we couldn’t see it hanging from the crane…But that’s TV.  I’ve had a number of behind the scenes experiences and have no illusions about how fake the whole thing is.  I must say that the people at Top Gear were certainly the friendliest and did a good job of keeping the audience entertained whilst they got things in place.  I was an extra in King Arthur (grubby peasant 264) – yes, I can be seen on camera – and the people there were just abrupt and rude.  We went to the GMTV thing in Sydney and they only cared about people with babies.  The Top Gear people were appreciative of people giving up their time, for free, to stand around and do as they’re told.   The presenters don’t have anything on Clarkson, Hammond and May, but they’re good in their own unique Australian way.  There I go with the poetry again.  We saw some interesting cars, Monster Noggin saved a man’s life and we saw Jamie Durie – stripper turned gardener and Australia’s answer to Alan Tischmarsh – run through the masses (to much applause) and have a chat with the host.  All in all it wasn’t a bad night and I’m pleased we had the experience but I don’t think we’d do it again.  There was a lot of standing around and on a school night, it was a late finish.  Mystical Roo drove home whilst Monster Noggin and I napped in the back.  And that was our evening.  I know you’re probably thinking, who is Mr Mechanic?  And, who did Monster Noggin save?  But that’s a story for another day.