Little Stalky Meets the Neighbours

This is a re-enactment using pink socks.  The purple
socks are in the wash

Yesterday was a day of very little effort.  Mystical Roo was working and I was home alone with not much to do.  The weather continued - and continues - to be rubbish and I figured the best way to spend the day was pottering around the house.  I had no plans to go out.  It was cold, I was bloated and my chilblains were playing up.  Yes, attractive I know.  On a day like that there's only one thing to do.  Get into your most comfortable clothes and do as little as possible.  So, comfortable clothes.  My favourite tracksuit bottoms are a pair I snaffled from Mystical Roo.  In my defence, he can't actually wear them as they're too small for him, which is how they made their way into my wardrobe.  But too small for Mystical Roo doesn't make them in any way the perfect fit for me.  They're massive.  Massive, grey tracksuit bottoms.  They hang from my waist and sag at all angles. If they didn't have handy little ankle cuffs then I'd be forever rolling them up.  As it happens they just kind of gather around my ankles and give me what I like to think of as "the faun" look.  You know, fauns like from 'The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe'.  The ones with really bushy legs.  That's what I feel like when I wear these massive, grey tracksuit bottoms.  Oh but they're so comfortable.  They're kind of furry on the inside and are a thick material that keep the cold at bay.  Lovely.  After throwing on a vest top I then completed the look with an equally comfortable grey jumper.  Now I wasn't purposely going for a grey theme.  Head to toe grey probably isn't the best look.  It's just the way it happened.  It doesn't happen very often.  The grey jumper was something I picked up for $1 and is one of those over sized jumpers that are designed to look like a University jersey or something.  I once washed it at the wrong temperature and that caused it to become over sized even further  It now hangs from me like a little tent, stretching nice and wide just as it hits my hips.  It's very flattering on the figure.  So at this point I've got the grey look going on.  I look like an unathletic athlete who's stolen someone's clothing.  Someone who goes to an imaginary university.  But I still wasn't as snug as I could be.  Socks were required.  Big fluffy socks.  I don't have grey socks so at this point the grey theme went out the window.  But Stalky fans may know that I have purple socks.  Purple socks that had previously been stolen by the washing machine of doom.  That washing machine has been taken care of and the socks retrieved so I was able to team by outfit with rather stylish purple, fluffy socks.  Oh yeah.  Snug as a bug in a rug.  When I'm in the mood for comfort I generally like to get my hair up and out of my face.  I don't like it flying around all over the place.  But I'm not going out anywhere so it doesn't have to be tidy.  I use a clip to pin my hair on top of my head.  I have a lot of unruly hair.  It's kind of curly.  Pinning hair atop your head without looking in the mirror kind of gives you the look of an errant pineapple.  The last I checked, errant pineapple wasn't in fashion.  But it's all about being practical.  The other thing I don't bother with on days like this is make-up.  Mystical Roo knows what I look like without make-up on.  He sees me every morning.  I can't be bothered with make-up.  Yes, my skin is bad at the moment but lets give it a chance to breathe.  Maybe a make-up free day will do it good.  At this point you need to try and envisage my look.  A mini monster with faun like legs, big purple feet, a stolen jumper that looks like a tent and an errant pineapple on my head.   My skin would possibly scare small children.  Let's just say that I don't look my best.  So, after a few hours at the computer I decided that I would go and feed the plants.  On the balcony.  In the open.  Now I don't think much about this.  I go out on the balcony all the time and I never see anyone.  We don't really have neighbours.  So I stood up and examined my choice of shoe.  Leopard print wellies.  White flip flops.  You'd think the wellies would be the obvious choice but no.  I went for the white flip flops.  And I didn't take off my socks.  No, I shoved my massive purple feet into the white flip flops and decided I would just have to shuffle around outside.  I actually looked like I had hooves.  Weird purple and white hooves.  I ambled outside, retrieved the plant feed from underneath the BBQ and stood up to be greeted with a friendly 'so you must be the neighbours'.  I looked up and saw our new neighbour chilling out on his balcony.  Now this is not the best way to meet a new neighbour.  Especially when they own the new restaurant and you're hoping they might give you free food.  Ok, I don't really think they'll give us free food but it's a nice thought.  Anyway, free food aside, the first thing that came into my head was how English I must look wearing socks with flip flops.  Now what would a normal person do in this situation?  Wave politely and continue their task.  Acknowledge the fact that they look like a mini monster and swallow their pride.  Turn around and feed the plants inside and then not venture outside again until it's dark.  Not me.  No.  I gave a half hearted smile and then dropped to the ground.  Yes, I dropped to the ground.  I hid behind the wall!  I crouched next to the compost bin, clutching my little bottle of plant feed and wondered why I can't behave like normal human being.  He obviously saw me drop to the ground.  And yes I could well have been crouching down to feed the plants or tie an imaginary shoelace but I couldn't just stay there. He knew it and I knew it.  I would have to come back up.  There was no way I was belly crawling back towards the door.  It think he would have seen me anyway.  So I came back up.  And yes, he was still standing there.  I figured I would have to finish my task.  If I didn't, I would seem even stranger.  So I focused all my attention on the feeding of the plants.  Feed the plants, don't make eye contact, get it done, get out of there.  But our new neighbour is apparently the chatty type and insisted on engaging me in conversation.  From across the balconies.  Now I can't hear properly at the best of times, let alone when people are shouting at me from across the balconies.  So I was forced into awkward half conversation whilst I watered my plants and tried desperately to hear what the bloke was saying.  I think I asked a vague question about the restaurant but I honestly wasn't really focused on the conversation.  I just wanted to get out of there. I don't really care what I look like to strangers but there are limits you know.  If I'd just been out there in a tracksuit it wouldn't have been so bad.  But this was a matching tracksuit.  There was grey.  There was grey everywhere!  And there was the pineapple and the skin.  Oh yeah, and the purple socks shoved into white flip flops.  They'll be worried I'll scare away their customers.  Thank God he didn't see me chatting to the plants or I really would have got a reputation.  I finished watering the plants and indicated that I was going back inside.  I shut the door and scurried away from the window, scared that the new neighbour was still watching.  I was traumatised for a good few minutes before I became distracted by sweets in the fridge.  When Mystical Roo came home from work I told him all about how I'd met the neighbour.  I don't think he was impressed at my attempts to befriend the new restaurant owners.  I hadn't even gotten a name.  I did a little twirl in my fabulous outfit just to emphasise the horror of the situation but Mystical Roo didn't seem to think it was that bad.  Honestly!  Just because he looks good in everything.  Well that's a lesson learned.  No more going out onto the balcony in dodgy outfits.  It's just not worth the stress.