The Pavement Polka

Walking to work the other day I was confronted by not one but two swarms of school children and I got to pondering (as often I do) about pavement etiquette.  I am a lone Stalky walking on the footpath with my little rucksack strapped to my back.  The rucksack isn't integral to the story but I feel it helps set the scene.  So, Little Stalky, walking along the path, rucksack firmly strapped in place, i-pod on, hands in pocket and then up ahead I see them.  The kids.  A swarm.  Nay, a throng.  A horde.  Children everywhere.  They're being led by what I could only assume is a teacher who has a look of single minded determination.  I will get these kids to wherever it is we're going and they will behave.  But this army of schoolkids has literally flooded the pathway and there's no space for anyone else.  This is not a single file situation.  So I monitor the situation as I approach and wonder if the teacher will attempt to move the masses to clear the path, though I've already decided that the simple solution will be for me to walk up onto the grass.  As we get closer, like a steam train hurtling towards a small bunny I notice that kids are all over the place, overflowing onto the grass and running around like lunatics and I wonder whether I risk getting swept away in a sea of small people.  I head for the grass, making my intentions known well ahead of time.  I've chosen my route and I don't want to be knocked over so please keep your distance.  We pass amicably and I come out the other side to a clear path.  Relief.  I can't help but imagine what would happen if the throng was met by a pram or perhaps a wheelchair.  Or a land dwelling, path using shark.  Then who would prevail?  Are there unspoken rules about who gets right of way?  So often we'll all drift happily amongst one another, dodging and shifting but avoiding collision.  But sometimes you get that weird moment where the pavement is practically clear, there's only two of you and yet somehow, even with masses of space, you manage to get in each other's way.  And then comes the dance.  This way, that way, this way, that way and still you can't manage to get past each other.  Then you both stop.  Possibly titter at the hilarity of the situation.  Then this way, that way, this way, that way until somehow you manage to shuffle past each other whilst feeling embarrassed at having done the dance with a complete stranger.  Or in my case, scared the stranger off by yelping in frustration.  Other times you can engage in a dance with a person who is unaware they have become part of a pavement polka.  The person heading in the same direction as you, just in front of you, with their back to you, not quite walking fast enough for you but managing to shift into your path just as you try to pass.  The person you want to poke with your leopard print umbrella and ask them to shift their butt.  This person might be entirely innocent, unaware that they're blocking the path of those behind them.  But beware.  This person might also be a gipper!