Café Warfare

It's getting to that time of year when the weather is nice enough to sit outside and enjoy a coffee.  Or in my case, a milkshake.  There are a number of cafés in our little town, all with outdoor seating, but there is one that remains the popular favourite.  The café of cafés.  The place where we all like to go.  But there is obviously limited seating and with no one wanting to sit inside, a silent battle for seats begins.  If you arrive at the café and there's a spare seat then you have to grab it because this is a rarity, an extreme rarity.  More often than not we'll arrive and all of the seats will be taken.  Thus begins an intense examination of the folk who are already sat down.  Who is nearly finished.  Who is likely to be on the move.  Who's staying for a top up of coffee.  You have to learn to read the signs.  The grabbing of a handbag might be a move to leave or it might just be a move to retrieve a mobile phone.  A coat snatched up might be a cue but then the person might just be cold.  What's the weather doing?  Is it really that cold?  Is that old lady really chilly or is she actually getting up to leave.  There's so much to consider!  And then of course you have to keep an eye on the other vultures scouting for a table.  You might think you've got your table snaffled but then some sneaky woman and her dog will shoot in from the side and get in there before you had chance to blink.  Sneaky.  Consider too, the scouts on the other side of the road.  They might be keeping their distance and observing the situation from afar but they're speedy.  Those buggers will stop traffic just to whip in and steal your table.  You've got to stay alert.  Be on guard.  Don't let anyone distract you!  It's survival of the fittest in café warfare and weakness is simply not an option.  There's coffee and milkshakes on the line!  Of course you could always get drinks to take away and go and sit in the park but where's the fun in that.