Ban the Speedo

Is anyone else of the opinion that there is something very wrong with the speedo?  Or, as they're known here in the land down under, budgie smugglers!  I guess they have a place and a purpose...if you're a serious swimmer.  But if you're just going to splash about in the pool or play in the waves, is there really any need to subject the rest of us to the speedo?  It leaves very little to the imagination.  I was accosted by a speedo on the way to work yesterday.  Is nowhere safe!  Can a Stalky not walk to work without being confronted by a speedo?  Apparently not.  The speedo wearing man in question kind of ambled into my path as I was trotting past the beach.  Ok, maybe you would expect to be confronted by a speedo at the beach.  This dude was obviously a proud speedo wearer as he had the word "speedo" emblazoned in lime green across his butt!  Anyway, I kind of expected Mr speedo wearer to walk across the pavement and straight down to the beach.  But oh no, he wanted to walk in front of me for a while, strutting his speedo stuff for all to see.  And he was walking at an awkward speed.  Not quite slow enough for me to quickly slip by but not quite fast enough for me not to be catching up with him and his damned speedo.  Then he did the usual and started straying from one side to the other, drifting across the pavement and making it impossible for me to pass.  There was no way I was going to accidentally bump into a man only wearing a speedo.  So I had to drag my feet, avert my eyes and wait for Mr speedo to finally wander off towards the beach.  I think the whole time I was walking to work I could just see the bright green word "speedo" flashing before my eyes.  I was traumatised.  The trouble is, work isn't exactly a haven from the speedo.  Especially not at this time of year.  There are currently hundreds of holiday makers at the park and most of them are wandering around in their swimmers (an Aussieism I appear to have stolen). Inevitably you get speedo wearers.  So, lucky ladies that we are, we get a front seat in reception as we watch all the speedo wearers go by.  Speedo wearers come in all shapes and sizes and are covered in varying levels of hair but they all seem to be very proud to be speedo wearers.  The trouble with reception is the windows mean we can see out very clearly but people can't always see in that well.  It offers a kind of mirror for those on the outside.  So then we get the speedo wearers (amongst others - I'm looking at you teenage girls) checking themselves out in the window, seemingly unaware that there are about five of us in the office staring out and willing them to go away.  I think the speedo wearers are actually just showing off.  Oooh look at my speedo.  Don't I look great in my speedo.  I bet you're jealous of my speedo.  I live in my speedo.  They even come into reception wearing nothing but the speedo.  Can't even bother with a towel.  There's just no getting away from them.  And I'm working again today.  So I know I will see the speedo again. I'm wondering if I can sneak a sign up in reception.  You can only enter if you're wearing clothes.  Or at least a towel.  Speedos are not welcome.  Ever.