The Phone Ringeth

I think I'm slowly being driven insane by the phone at work.  It rings all day.  All day.  It never stops.  I can hear ringing in my head when I get home.  I dream about telephones.  The trouble is, when I answer the phone, it doesn't get any better.  It turns out there are a multitude of numptys out there.  And someone gave them a phone!  To call me.  And ask me stupid questions.  Or give me their life story.  I'm not the most patient of people and when I'm really busy with people queueing up in front of me and emails flooding the inbox I really need people to get to the point.  To the point!  Some people are great.  This is what I want.  Others just seem to dance around the point, avoiding the point completely, like they're scared of the point, only for me to wonder, when the conversation finally ends, what the point of the conversation actually was.  I put down the phone yesterday and commented that I had no idea why that person had phoned.  It's just as bad listening to the countless voicemail messages there are at the moment.  I need to get through them as quickly as I can, call back the people who couldn't get through to us and reduce the ever growing list.  Again, you get great messages.  My name is and my number is and that's it.  That's all I need.  But you get others who umm and err their way through the message, giving you the whole story whilst holding off the important information.  The phone number.  That's all I need.  Just your phone number.  Then I can call you back and you can repeat yourself as I know you will.  What's the point in leaving that long winded message when you know you're just going to do it all again.  There is such a thing as an economy of words people!  Other people drone away for ages, slowly, precisely and then when it comes to giving you their phone number they blurt it all out so quickly that you have to re listen to the message three times.  And you can't skip the long intro.  You have to go through it all again.  Others seem confused that they've come through to an answering machine and quietly hold the line.  It takes a few minutes for them to realise and then there's some muttering before the phone is hung up.   I try to contain my frustration and keep my voice calm.  The person on the other end of the phone doesn't realise that I'm rolling my eyes, rapping my fingers, snapping pencils and silently bashing my head on the keyboard.  You try to answer someone's question and all they do is interrupt you with more questions that you were about to get on to.  Just let me finish and you'll know all you need to.  Don't interrupt me.  Or they call and want to make a booking.  That's normal.  But then the first thing I ask is, when do you want to book for and they don't know.  How can you call to make a booking and not know when you want to book.  They go flapping around in their diaries and finally get their dates.  Honestly.  We get mistaken for the information centre and have to field calls about other holiday parks, good spots for picnics, opening hours of newsagents and buying tickets for the water park.  We're having to constantly tell people we're fully booked, because we're fully booked but when I tell someone we're fully booked they don't believe me.  Fully booked are you?  Yes, sorry.  Nothing at all?  No, sorry, nothing.  What about a tent site?  No, no, accommodation and camping, everything is fully booked.  Even those ones on the water?  Yes, everything is fully booked.  We're full.  There's nothing.  What about if it was just two of us?  No!  Goddamnit, we're frickin' full.  Why would I lie?  It seems like the most bizarre thing.  Then they get really angry with you because you're fully booked.  Some people just hang up.  Others huff and puff.  Others try and plead their way into a non existent available spot.  Oh but the kids were so looking forward to coming down.  Yeah, we were just really wanting those dates.  I can't get any other time off.  I cannot magically create space where there is no space.  Would you like me to cancel someone else's holiday, someone who booked months ago, just because you decided at the last minute that you wanted to take the kids away.  No!  These people just won't get off the phone.  They kind of sit there in silence as if waiting for you to go, actually I've found somewhere.  You then have to awkwardly ask if there's anything else and then say goodbye.  Because the phone is ringing and the message light is blinking.  It never ends.