A Furry Hooligan

Seagulls.  Or Stevens if you want to get technical.  White and grey feathered menaces to society!  Bloody Stevens.  Normally I don't get too much hassle from the seagulls.  They leave me alone, I leave them alone.  It's like a mutual understanding.  But not when I turn up on the park bench with chips.  Then everything goes out the window!  Mystical Roo and I were chilling in the park with our chips when the seagulls decided to start moving in.  They were circling us with greedy little eyes, whilst various birds intent on trying to be the alpha were squawking and giving the others evils.  And I'd be happy to give them a chip or two - honestly the large portion we ordered was far too much for the two of us - but you know it will just cause seagull mayhem.  It's not like they do much to encourage chip giving though.  It's not like they're ducks with a cute waddle and little quack.  Or moorhens with their cool I-eat-with-my-feet tactics.  And they can't use intimidation tactics like a pelican could.  If they just sat patiently and promised not to turn into a gaggle of lunatics then maybe I could give them some chip action.  But the seagulls have mob mentality and just go into a frenzy.  It's actually embarrassing to feed the seagulls because of the hysteria that ensues.  You can see others looking at you and tutting.  Feeding the seagulls.  How uncouth.  And I've been the tutter.  But only because I was quietly reading my book on my own and didn't appreciate someone throwing sandwiches in my direction.  Maybe they were trying to feed me - thought I looked scrawny and in need of nourishment - or maybe they were trying to get me to shuffle on, but still, throwing bread in my direction is going to provoke tuts when an army of seagulls launch towards my head.  Never cool.  So sitting with our chips we didn't feed the seagulls and watched as a foolish man at the next table up decided to throw some food out.  Those seagulls took off in a fleet and landed on that food like zombies starved of brains.  But they came straight back.  It's like they weren't going to be satisfied until they got their beaks on some chips.  And then they started getting cocky; actually jumping on the table and shuffling up towards the portion of chips.  Mystical Roo said some stern words and the seagulls took off but it wasn't long before they were back and getting even closer.  I then said some stern words but apparently I have no authority with the bloody seagulls as it just looked at me as if to say what are you gonna do about it before shuffling even closer.  That resulted in my standing up and pounding a fist on the table, which had the desired effect but also caused a few stares in my direction.  Always attracting attention for the wrong reasons.  Dag nabbit!  But still the seagulls returned and we were starting to feel out numbered.  I've seen reports of hard seagulls in England, stealing food from people's hands, offering a feathery headbutt if argued with.  Could Australian seagulls be just as loutish?  Are all seagulls in fact furry hooligans?  Am I about to get jumped by a seagull?  Well I wasn't about to hang around and find out.  If faced with hooligans I'd run away.  Should a furry hooligan be any different?  I think not.  So we hot tailed it out of there and left those seagulls chipless.  But they'll be back.  And so will I.  And my stick!