Little Stalky and the Rolled Oats

I am possibly one of the most clumsy and illogical people in the world.  Ever.  On returning from a food shop the other day, Mystical Roo and I began the task of unpacking.  Mystical Roo normally leads the operation as he is sensible and good at organising the fridge.  I tend to lurk and try to make myself useful.  On this occasion I tried to make myself useful by refilling the jar of oats.  Take the packet of oats.  Undo the packet of oats.  Pour the oats into the jar.  Simple.  Or not so simple.  My first mistake was in the opening of the bag.  The kitchen scissors were dirty so rather than washing them I made a downwards tear into the pack.  Bad plan.  Always tear across.  Across!  I made to pour the oats into their jar and was dismayed when the majority of them missed the jar and instead tumbled over the kitchen counter and then down onto the floor.  Oops.  Yes, big oops.  And upon uttering these words I got the usual question from Mystical Roo of what have you done know.  What indeed.  It was the stupid hole that did it.  Both holes actually.  The hole in the jar wasn't big enough - not for me anyway - and the hole I'd made in the packet was squiffy and causing uneven pourage of the oats.  I tried again and got the same result.  Funny that.  Then, for reasons unknown - I think I could have fixed the problem by simply adjusting the tear in the packet - I decided a funnel would sort things out.  Yes.  A funnel.  So I grabbed the big funnel, balanced it in the jar and set about pouring oats into the funnel.  I didn't stop until the funnel was full whereby I realised that the oats weren't getting through the spout.  Bugger.  I gave it a shake, gave it a poke but still the oats refused to move.  I was wishing I'd never started this task as it was turning into a kind of monster mission.  I then gave up on the funnel and poured the oats stuck in the funnel, into the jar.  Well most of them.  There was definitely more spillage at this point.  I then conceded that I couldn't make much more of a mess so I just went for it and hoped the rest of the oats would find their way into the jar.  Most of them did.  But a lot of them went over the counter and again onto the floor.  Honestly, what kind of remould can't empty a packet of oats into a jar.  It's shameful.  I swept up the oats from the counter and decided that at least they could be used in my compost, which was exciting.  The oats on the floor had to be hoovered up at which point I was reminded of those hoover adverts where someone has purposefully spilt something on the floor just to demonstrate the amazing hoovering power of their hoover.  I figured this would be a good advert for Dyson.  Of course the Dyson did a good job.  I love my Dyson.  Oh look, my mind is wandering again.  So, oats.  The moral of this story?  Don't let Little Stalky near your rolled oats.  Unless you want to make an advert for your hoover.